by, 19-Dec-2010 at 01:19 (317 Views)
That is something that I know I have been guilty of for too long in my life.
Yeah, I know, I had a fucked-up childhood. And it is OK for me to talk about how fucked-up it was in the right context.
What is not OK for me to do is to let it constantly define every move I make, and to continue to use it to try to milk sympathy out of whoever I can.
It was a coping mechanism that I started to employ when I was a middle-schooler, but the reality is that it never really made me feel the slightest bit better about myself or my situation. I needed solutions, not sympathy, but I blindly ran for the sympathy instead.
Granted, most of the people in my early life were not interested in giving me solutions or sympathy in any way, so I really did not have much of a chance of building myself up back then.
But I can build myself up now. I have no more excuses. Nobody is forcing me to do anything against my will these days. I am not living under any threat of violence now - I haven't lived under any threat of violence for the last decade, actually.
My solutions lie not in sympathy from people who know little about me. They exist in taking positive actions to improve my life. They exist in building strong real-world bridges with people around me. I never really found myself or where I belonged until I started putting some serious effort into helping pulling somebody up from his pit - and in pulling others up, I pull myself up.
Geez, I really am starting to sound like a New Age motivational speaker now, right?