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Rionel

I Honestly Have No Idea

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I have no idea how I should be feeling right now.

I revisited my high school today, to help out my former band section with their audition pieces. Well, it certainly put a few things in perspective for me.

First of all, I played flute in band for seven years, and I wanted to go on to major in music. But my college plans got changed halfway through the summer, and I have to attend a sucky community college because my parents just decided "We're not going to help you at all." WTF? I cannot drive because you won't let me get a license. I cannot get a job because I cannot drive. Therefore, I cannot afford anything. What am I supposed to do?!

August really sucked? Why? Because people from my graduating class had started posting pictures of THEIR college lives. Of how they were enjoying their independence. Of everyone new that they had come to meet. And where am I? In my *insert expletive here* hometown that I have lived all 18, soon to be 19 in less than a month, years of my life. I had always hated living with my parents; they had made life a living Hell for me. I was very much looking forward to leaving it all behind when suddenly, it gets taken away. I had always lacked the confidence in myself to feel that I could do anything right. I was very much looking forward to change.

My first quarter ended on Tuesday, though. I should be happy, but... I'm not. I don't have any idea what is wrong with me, but I'm tired of feeling like this. That's really all I know to say at this point.
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Comments

  1. Chiharu's Avatar
    If your 18 you can get a license if you want to they cant restrict your ability to get one... owning a car might be another story but driving should be really basic. *shrugs* My brother has like perfect driving and hes 18.
  2. Rionel's Avatar
    It's more or less a matter of being able to get to the DMV.
    Also, I have to have glasses, which I can't even find the ones I had.
  3. Chiharu's Avatar
    Are there no friends you can ask for support, if your an active student there must be someone you can ask for support. If that is a factor that you can not address then possibly ask a teacher for help? It's above and beyond the call of duty but the people most intune with the success of their students is a teacher, odds are you might be able to work that route as well.

    -teacher might be able to give you a lift to the DMV.
  4. Shukkume's Avatar
    Your parents won't let you get a license and you're 18? What the fuck are they thinking, man? But, yeah, tell one of your teachers or friends and ask for a lift to the DMV. Just remember to go online and get the things that you need for the test. you don't want to go there unprepared. Tell them your situation and how sucky your parents are, because, seriously, it sounds like they're coddling you. My mother had a mild case of that, but I smartened up once I became legal and told her "I'm 18 now, I can go move out and smoke and have sex with whoever I want!"

    Of course I'm still at home working full time and preventing my brother from destroying my mother's mental health, but that's besides the point.

    Perhaps you could take a city bus if you have one? I don't have a car, so that's what I do to get around from place to place if I need to. Or I ride my bike.
  5. h3g3l's Avatar
    Music at the university (or even college) level is a hard gig. If you were a stand-out, you would be on scholarship. So you are not a stand-out musician. You are at best an average player in what was probably a mediocre band. That's okay; the gap between high school and university athletics and music is huge and difficult to overcome. A friend of mine tried to go to school on a piano-playing scholarship. She was pretty much laughed out of the running and ended up majoring in music, but doing it on her own dime. At the time, I thought she was fairly good, but after spending time with others actually at university who "do" music, I realize she just wasn't good enough. From your tone and post here, I suspect that the hope of an academic scholarship is slim and zilch.

    If you are eighteen (18) years of age, you should move out of your family home. Do so before the new year so that the 2010 tax year is the last time your parents can claim you as a dependent. Then do what adults do: make decisions that will shape your future.

    It is not your parents' job to pay your way. If they had at one point said they would pay your way, then they were being [overly] generous and have since reconsidered. So your solution here is simple: stop being a child. Find a job, move out, bus/bike over to a driver's education course, borrow a car from a friend, take a test for your license, save up and/or take loans, go to the college of your choice.

    Sound difficult? Of course; this is what being an adult is all about. Then again, you have been an adult for nearly a year now, so it sounds like your parents have done you the disservice of allowing you to remain living at home for free (you have no job, so they're not charging rent, and you're not paying for food, and I would imagine that you've not stepped up to the plate to do anything to defray the cost of caring for a man-boy-pet).

    Buck up, get work, be an adult, and move out.

    The "hell" that you are going through is nothing compared to what your parents are going through: I have had about 15 minutes with you via text and find you grating, irritating, and whiny, to be overly kind. I can only imagine what you are like to be around IRL. Hopefully you'll do everyone a favor and move out before your parents put a shovel through your head and go to prison.

    You need someone to model what it is to be an adult and a man; I'm sorry that you have to see this on an Internet forum, but the above is what this means and is what is required. You go through hard times, you go through good times, things can get ghoulish, but in the end you have to stand on your own two feet--and put money aside so that when you are unable to do so, you can still survive and not have to rely on anyone external to pay your way or otherwise support you. Our parents may love us, and we them, but it is unnatural for anything barring a major life-event (e.g. divorce, disaster, spouse dying) to bring us back to the family home to live after achieving majority at 18.

    Finally: I will unleash the 800-pound gorilla in the room. You do not have to, nor are you entitled to, attend college or university. Don't like being at a "sucky community college?" Then leave. Simple. Sometimes, people go back after learning dedication and discipline in the real world for a while. Sometimes, people don't go back. Sometimes, people don't go. All three of these paths--four if you include the branch of "go, finish, then enter the real world"--are valid. I am uncertain if your mind-set here carries over to your studies, but it may benefit you to take some time away from school for a while, go work, and then come back to it later. You will appreciate it more, and may even qualify for some "non-traditional student" type grants and scholarship.
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