On the telling to friends.
by, 27-May-2008 at 08:09 (598 Views)
I told a very good friend of mine, who I had known for two years now, about my lil side. He took it very well, perhaps the best 'telling' I've ever had to be honest. We chatted for a few minutes afterwards about some oddball things, before we headed our separate ways, as it was midnight and we were tired.
Anywho, as I was driving home, my iPod had an interesting string of Blue Man Group songs play all at once in shuffle mode (I highly recommend the CD Audio to everyone). These songs put me in quite a pondering, thinking, smoke my mind kind of thought patterns, and I spent a good amount of time thinking about the why, specifically the why I told my friend about my lil side. I came up with a few ideas, and arguments against them.
Attention: This was the first one to pop up, I wanted people to go "OH! Look at him! He's weird in a cool way!". Now I will be the first to admit that I like people to give me attention, it is one of my motivations for my fire dancing, among other things. However, I am only this kind of attention seeker in public areas, hence my volunteer work, and street performance skills. These are things I do to stop people on the street to get some sort of shock factor.
This is not something that I wish to provoke from my friends. In my personal life, I prefer some level of predictability. Plus, I rather have a stimulating discussions with friends rather than blow their pants off with the fact I am an Infantillist.
Attraction : This was another idea that came into my head. Perhaps I only tell people I am attracted to, this would fit with the fact that I only tell girls about lil me, with the exception of my friend I told a few days ago. I do have a minor crush on the fellow, but nothing I would act on even in the 'last days of the earth' setting.
Acceptance I honest do not believe it is acceptance in the slightest. I already have a strong enough support group in case something hard comes down on me, both other friends and this site provide enough support on the issues around infantillism.
So why tell a friend? My life has not turned positive, nor has it turned negative. My displacement in life is once again zero because of my actions. This has been a slightly dominating thought in my mindscape for the past few days. My earlier tellings were based on those three A's, but this one was purely for the sake of telling, of taking a weight off your chest.
So the end of this formulated rant, all I can say is this. Why do we tell?
I have no idea.