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Feeling pretty down about things at the moment.

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Over the last few days I have taken a turn for the worse and when I saw my keyworker today I completely broke down. I had gone into work like normal but I just couldn't function so he took me home. It made me feel like such a failure ... my "work" is only two days a week, in a very quiet cafe set up for people with mental health problems to work in, a safe and supportive environment, but I still couldn't manage. I just feel like, if I can't manage that, how am I ever going to get a real job with pay?
Anyway, we had a talk and we pretty much decided that living with my parents was not having a positive effect on me. I still don't really know how I feel about it to be honest.
Reasons for staying at home:
- After talking to my mother recently, she said that I could stay as long as I need to.
- I have no money.
- There is usually somebody in the house.
- My guinea pigs live here.
- I hate change, so I can imagine moving out being pretty traumatic.

Reasons for leaving:
- Being in my childhood home is sometimes triggering for me.
- I don't feel settled here.
- I have to move out sometime.
- I have feeling like a "moocher".

My keyworker is going to find out about a few places I could move to, "supported accommodation" he called it. I got pretty upset when I googled the names of the places because they came up on the NHS website as hospitals.
Basically you get your own bedroom, sometimes with an en-suite, and a communal lounge and dining room and nurses on 24/7. I have walked past one or two of these places and they look pretty grim from the outside.

Maybe I am looking through "gloomy glasses" because of the way I am feeling right now, but to be honest I am scared. Not just about moving out of my parents house, but the direction my life is going in general. Which is down the toilet.

I suppose the reason I posted this was not only to let off steam, but also to ask if anybody here is in a similar situation? I can find very little information about supported accommodation. It is all very vague.


  1. Chiharu's Avatar
    I think the important thing is to keep your hopes up... i gotta start my homeschool work so i cant write a full reply until later but this was really sad so i had to say somthing. I feel the same way as well because my future looks very down-hilled due to my disabilities and i think the most important thing is what ever you do, make sure its what you feel is both the best in your interests and whats right in your heart. Dont give up and keep trying... thats about the best i try to do.. i know it doesnt always work out but its better then not trying at all right?

    And this goes with everything, not just work or specific situations.. try to keep positive even when times are sad.
  2. AshleyShep's Avatar
    hey, i am not in the same situation
    but my mum works for the nhs, you need to be careful because my mum has dealt with people whos moving did not go well
    however mym mum has also dealt with cases in which it has had such a positive impact and has really helped
    people generally only find out vague info
  3. Rosy's Avatar
    I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I feel like my future is shot to hell too, which isn't a pleasant feeling. I find it difficult to be in my childhood home, too, much as I would like to be there some of the time. I'm glad you've got pets to keep you company at least! I'm sorry things are so tough
  4. Guineapigged's Avatar
    Thank you for the supportive comments.
    I suppose I have to just learn to give things a chance. Who knows, this might be the one thing that really sorts my life out. And if it doesn't work out I'm sure my parents would let me move back until we come up with another solution.
  5. crazykittensmile's Avatar
    Are you able to visit the places which offer supported accomodation before making a decision? I have seen a few documentaries (although never visited in real life) which follow people who have mental health problems, or other issues which cause them to need to live in supported accommodation (brain injuries, autism, learning difficulties etc) and whilst some definitely looked like places I wouldn't want to be, others seemed much more supportive. I think whether it works depends very much on the individual person, and the place that they're in.

    I would try to find out more information before you even consider making a decision. If you decided to move into supported accomodation would you be free to leave at any time, or would you have to sign a contract agreeing only to leave when/if the nurses and other staff decide you're ready? Would you be offered therapy, would it be group, individual or both? If you're seeing a therapist/psychologist etc now would you keep contact with them? What is their policy on medication? How much control would the nurses have over your daily routine? Would you be free to come and go as you please? How much privacy will you get? Would you be sharing with people with similar issues to you, or may they be there for other problems? Would you have free access to a television and internet? Could you have overnight stays with your parents? When and how often would you be allowed visitors? Would you keep your current keyworker, or would you be assigned a new one? Would you get a choice of which place you go to, or would the decision be made for you? If you have a complaint, how is that dealt with? Some of those may not be relevant, and I'm sure you have your own questions as well, but you really need to find out as much as you can, and if possible visit one or more of these places, before making a decision.

    It could be exactly what you need - you may be placed in a place with others who face similar difficulties with you, and it may be really helpful to talk with them. You may find having the support of the nurses 24/7 helpful, and hopefully they will be experiences so that as they get to know you they can recognise how they can help you. Hopefully you will have an equal or similar level of privacy to that you have now.

    On the other hand, it could be that you are placed in accommodation with a bunch of people who are not similar to you at all, and may be there for completely different reasons and have behaviours or difficulties you find hard to be around. There may be a high turn-over of staff so they don't get to know you at all. You may have no privacy (blocks on the internet, no locks on any doors etc) and have to follow a strict routine with little room to do what you want. Hopefully this wouldn't be the case though - I would imagine supported accommodation would place a lot of importance on helping people to move towards independent living and moving away from the need to have support on hand.

    I think it is something you should certainly not dismiss yet - if you trust your keyworker, and that he has your best interests at heart as well as a lot of experience with people in your situation, then you should certainly ask to find out more. It is natural that you have a lot of reservations about moving away from the familiar and into the unfamiliar, and it is certainly not a decision to be taken lightly or without enough information. However, it may be that it is the right decision for you.

    Perhaps you could make a list, as you have above, about the reasons you have to stay at home and the reasons to move out. Then write a list of any worries or questions you have with regards to moving out into supported accommodation, and show these lists to your keyworker. Hopefully he would be able to work through them with you giving you the answers, or resources to find them for yourself, so that you feel better equipped to make a decision. This may help you feel more conifent in making a decision, whichever one that may be.

    Good luck in making a decision, and don't let other people's horror/success stories sway you too much. Every person is different with individual needs, and every one of these places will be different - what works for one person won't work for another. You need to work with your keyworker, family and anyone else you trust to make the decision that feels right for you. Sorry that things are so difficult for you at this time in your life, and I hope things begin to get easier for you.

    xxxx - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.