by, 21-May-2008 at 11:24 (608 Views)
A lot of things have been going on for me lately. Some of it, I can't really handle.
A few days ago I was in the hospital. Sent there, yet again, by my therapist. They just don't understand that there's nothing wrong with my mental health. Well, I'm sure the hospital understands, they keep discharging me. Then again, the entire time they were twisting my words, and making it seem like I wanted to be in hospital, and I don't.
There's an actual mental hospital, but they don't accept anyone under 18, however, a hospital for people under 18 is currently being built/having finishing touches done and all that jazz. My therapist is going to make me go there, as well as the dick of a psychiatrist she's going to make me see. He doesn't listen to me, so I don't like going to him. She told me if I see him this once, with her, I could see his nurse practitioner until they can set up and appointment with a female psychiatrist. Here's the thing: I don't need to see one. I don't want to see one. I am anyways, because I don't have a choice. She tells me it's the only way to make the bad people go away.
I'm sure she thinks everything is in my head too, and is almost ready to put me back in hospital-- Where I don't belong. I'm not really sure what is going to happen from here. I have some choices I can make based on what the death gods tell me... But, I'm not technically allowed to get into it. (Not without people freaking out, of course. They just don't get that it is real. Ugh. Whatever, I'm doing what I am told anyways.)
I think, if I go to the hospital (the new one, once open) I'm just going to play along so I can investigate/research/snoop around, after all I have to make sure they aren't going to kill me. Once my research is done, I should be able to leave whenever I please. =]
My therapist says that even if I didn't need to be in hospital, it's a safe place until they can figure out a way to make everything disappear. I don't entirely believe her, but she's really the only one I trust, so all I can do is give it a shot.
Lately, I've been thinking about throwing away this medication. I don't need it, I'm not sick. I think it's killing me, personally. People bitch and complain, telling me I shouldn't do that, so I haven't yet. I just don't want anyone mad at me, really. It's just hard not to think it is poison, when I am sure it is. (Don't be mad! But, I kinda haven't been taking it often, anyway.)
Uhm, well that's all I have to say this morning.