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Kinky Kapers of Kaworu!

Funny how this can happen.....

Rate this Entry something so minor and insignificant can really get under somebody's skin and eat him apart.....

Yeah, something minor and insignificant is doing that to me just now. Telling myself to "cut it out" just is not doing the trick this time.

I feel such an intense rage of the likes that I have not felt in several months. And I know there really is no reason for me to feel this way.

Heh, don't know what else to say about this now.

EDIT - This may have something to do with it.

I woke up with a massive headache this morning. I started vomiting just a few minutes ago.

It's no excuse for my childish rage - but it probably does explain why I let it get to me so much more easily than what I normally would have.

Updated 26-Sep-2010 at 17:58 by KaworuVsDrWily (Adding more to it.)



  1. KaworuVsDrWily's Avatar
    Y'know....... I may be 31, but I really do still have the mentality of a bratty teenager.

    Letting the words of some anonymous Internet poster get under my skin and boil my blood - despite the fact that I know he knows nothing about who I am (despite his claims to the contrary)..... Let's face it, that's fucking childish. Actually getting into an in-depth IRC PM flamefest with him (while knowing full well that it would solve nothing) was even worse. Looking back at it now, it was a pathetic sight for me, a real low-point in my recent days.

    My sponsor wants me to work towards telling this anonymous person that I admit to my wrongs when speaking to him. Frankly, I am not willing to do that, and I know that is childish of me.

    Posting about this in the vaguest terms possible to avoid further drama. I don't want to talk about the other person - I want to talk about how I handled the situation, and how to pick up the pieces and do the right thing at this point.
  2. h3g3l's Avatar
    "Thinking oneself better" or "snapping out of it" works when it is against a backdrop of optimistic and self-affirming views and outlook.

    In the absence of this--especially if there are organic issues at work--no amount of "thinking yourself better" would seem to resolve things.

    Stress etches pathways into the brain. Stress hormones are terribly bad (chief among them cortisol) and destructive. It sounds like (a) you are stressed--physically, mentally, or emotionally, and (b) you are returning to behaviors and states of feeling/being, and I suspect the two of these go hand-in-glove with each other.

  3. KaworuVsDrWily's Avatar
    You are probably right, h3g3l. No, not probably right - definitely right. I had a bad weekend where I returned to some of my old negative behaviors. The best thing that could be said was that at least I did not drink or smoke any weed over the course of that weekend, despite how strong the physical cravings for 151 were in me.

    I am in a state where I am striving for serenity, and I can feel myself getting closer to it with every step I take towards recognizing my destructive natures and making a true effort to replace them with something more productive. Many other people have made this transformation in their lives before I, so I know this venture is not hopeless, but I do know it involves a lifetime of work that I should never let up or take a break from. Changing the core of one's being is NEVER a painless or simple process, and anybody who makes that claim is an outright charlatan. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.