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Cryptic Writings: Crayon on the walls

Children, diapers, and morals.

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This is a touchy subject, but I want to bring it up.

I have a niece who is 10. I've been in her life since she was 4, and even back then I saw "signs" of a child who wasn't developing correctly. She was still a bed wetter, but to get attention she'd steal diapers and pull-ups and wear them during the day anyway. She went through about six months of peeing her pants intentionally. When school started, she stopped most of this, except for the bed wetting. The bed wetting was handled mostly with night time protection, and later with medication.

The thing is that the poor girl has had a rough life. She's not had much of a stable family life since her mother's in jail and her father is dead or missing. Either way, things got complicated. She caught me a few years back. At the time, I didn't want to damage her or anything, so I lied. I told her I had night time issues sometimes too, and she actually seemed to get closer to me. She left it alone, but a year later I had made a mistake and left my "stash" out when the other nieces came over. One of them found it and started making fun of the large diapers, and the oldest shushed her cousin up and really gave her a "what for" about it all. I overheard it and couldn't believe that, at 9 years old, she was so mature about the entire situation. I also felt guilty about lying to her, but since my desires are a "fetish" and branches into sexuality, I didn't think it's proper. Finally, I came to another solution.

Around all this, I noticed that my niece was doing things to "regress". She found my sippy cup and bottle and she actually used them. At first this pissed me off... but then I realized that - given her childhood - it might be better to just let her be. She also refused to take her medication, ensuring that her wet beds would continue (and thus ensuring that she would wear at night). As time passed, I noticed some other key things: She'd wear her pull-ups during the day and use them when she was into a game or TV, she'd suck her fingers or thumb, and so on. Based on all this, I approached her and had a talk with her about "regression". I felt I needed to... I didn't want her to feel like she was bad for what she was doing, but I also wanted to try and make sure she focused on progressing and developing. I sat her down and explained that I wasn't truthful before, and explained that because of my own childhood and some other things that are private and personal, that I too like to pretend I'm little. I told her it was okay to feel this way, but that she should still grow up and experience things as any kid growing up would.

The shocker? The big shocker? Her reply: "I know."
Seems like children are more observant then we adults would like at times, and this was the case here. I didn't think about the fact: SHE discovered my stash and baby items. She's not stupid either... Of course she'd put it together because SHE is going through it too! The best part about all this is that she doesn't have to know about the sexual or fetish aspects, but I can still be there for her with the rest of it.

The ground rules we felt were appropriate:
1) She's allowed to act younger, but since she's a "young lady" she has to dress herself (this includes diapers)
2) She has to still be responsible for hygiene, her school work, and cleaning up after herself.
3) If we feel that she's slacking in other areas of development, then we're going to put other limitations in there.

Since then, a year later, it's been a non-issue. I've actually noticed that she's left some of the regression behind. No, I'm not encouraging her either way. I think that a big part of this is that she felt accepted and loved regardless. I've noticed that her own stress has been pretty well under control. I've also noticed that I'm much more comfortable wearing around her... but I treat them like I would underwear - meaning I always wear something over them. I just don't have to worry about the crinkle.

My question for any of my readers: Was I wrong in any part of what happened? Would you have done it the same?
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Comments

  1. TeeDee's Avatar
    I think this is a well-rounded way of speaking to your niece, and the ground rules sound like they went far!

    I'm not sure how I would have reacted...but I suppose we never know until we're in that situation!
  2. LittleFlint's Avatar
    I don't think you went wrong at any part of it, you handled it pretty well in my opinion. The ground rules are good, too. Would I have done the same? Not really sure, I mean, the lying part yes because the truth isn't something that needs to be told to someone that age. The rest probably would have played out the same way eventually...

    Wow, though. I think that's pretty amazing...
  3. Keenan's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by TeeDee
    I think this is a well-rounded way of speaking to your niece, and the ground rules sound like they went far!

    I'm not sure how I would have reacted...but I suppose we never know until we're in that situation!
    That's exactly right, and my parent's way of handling me went a long way into my decisions. Personally, and I've heard this from many, the very fact that we were forced to keep our feelings secret helped to shape them into what they are today. The self-hated, self-loathing because of something we don't understand. I wasn't about to let that happen to her. My only concern is: Did her regression get stronger because she discovered my stash?
  4. Keenan's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by oblivionxi1
    I don't think you went wrong at any part of it, you handled it pretty well in my opinion. The ground rules are good, too. Would I have done the same? Not really sure, I mean, the lying part yes because the truth isn't something that needs to be told to someone that age. The rest probably would have played out the same way eventually...

    Wow, though. I think that's pretty amazing...
    Amazing is pretty right. No matter what went down, the end result has been very magical. Like I said... I'm not hoping she's a TB/AB when she grows up... If she is? I'll be there for her if she has questions. If not? Then I'm glad my choice helped her grow out of it.
  5. Takashi's Avatar
    I think you were right the whole way.
  6. dcviper's Avatar
    God knows you handled the situation a lot better than most peoples parents. Maybe it has to do with being AB/DL, or maybe you are just more open minded. Whatever the reasons are, I think she'll turn out to have a positive and healthy outlook on this, assuming it sticks with her. And that'll serve her well in later life, not having all sorts of guilt issues surrounding *B/DL-ism. Rock on.
  7. AgentRoswald's Avatar
    Great way of handling that, Keenan! That, I feel, was the best possible way it could have happened. You are certainly wise beyond your years.
  8. TeeDee's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Keenan
    That's exactly right, and my parent's way of handling me went a long way into my decisions. Personally, and I've heard this from many, the very fact that we were forced to keep our feelings secret helped to shape them into what they are today. The self-hated, self-loathing because of something we don't understand. I wasn't about to let that happen to her. My only concern is: Did her regression get stronger because she discovered my stash?
    One way or another, I wouldn't beat yourself over the how and why she chose to regress. The capacity was obviously there, always...and it was only a matter of time.
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