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Cryptic Writings: Crayon on the walls

Regression

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(Listening to: MGMT - Kids)

I find it amusing that as far back as I can remember I've wanted to be younger and carefree. I can remember even as a kid, wanting to be a toddler. As a teenager, wanting to be a kid. Now as an adult, I don't remember what being a child is like, but apparently it's something I still desire.

My roommate has been very supportive. She's made me cloth diapers, she's allowed me to regress as much as I've been able. She's not a caretaker, but she thinks it's interesting, cute, and she knows it helps me get through this stressful life. The irony comes when she tells me to be a kid, and I don't know how. The closest I've come to it has been losing myself in preschooler-themed shows.

Once in a while, I get into playing with her nieces. (Well, they're my nieces too I suppose. They call me Uncle anyway.) Sometimes I can't do it though. It frustrates me to no end when that happens. I feel like I'm failing at doing something I should be really good at! I mean, who better to know how to play with kids then an adult who wants to be a kid? You'd think... ah well.

I think the key to it is that I can regress when I'm not around children, but when I'm around them I feel like I have to watch over them. I feel like I have to protect them as much as I do my inner child. This does make sense, but it doesn't explain why, when not around children, I still can't "feel" like a child. I apparently act like one though, according to several people.

For the record, I don't "dress up" around children. I'm not that kind of person. Do I wear diapers? Sure. As much as I do around anyone else. I don't expose them, nor do I draw attention to them. I just wanted to put this bit here so I don't get flamed or labeled a "perv".

So, thoughts? Anyone else have this strange inability to just ... play?
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  1. Zephy's Avatar
    GAH! I know what you mean where you just don't "get it". I'm still trying to learn how to smile on purpose... if that makes sense.

    You're roommate sounds like she likes you. O_o :tongueout:

    When I'm around other people's kids I'm like that, too. You'd think it would be easier, but I try so hard to hide it that I just can't act like that around kids.

    I didn't even think that you might have been wearing around them until you mentioned it, tbh.
  2. SnoozyCat's Avatar
    I feel the same way. Like I have permanently separated myself from my childhood self and I just can't get back to him. I've been anxious to grow up actually and establish a life for myself but now I'm finding that I have thrown away something precious to me in the process without even realizing it. I've lost most of my childhood toys a long time ago save for my pokemon action figures. One time I tried playing with them again like I used to and I just couldn't tap into my imagination like I used to when I was a child. Video games were one thing and action figures used to be another. I could have just as much fun laying my toys down on the floor then I could with a controller in my hand.

    I always get along with kids oddly (it would be odd if you knew me). I think it is because I can still understand their mindset. I can't really stoop to their level and run around again but I can play a tough guy with them and catch them when they run past me.

    I think one major missing link we have lost is simply someone else to play with. If I had someone else to start a pokemon story with then I bet it would've been a lot funner. We can't smile at childhood things anymore because we'd only be smiling by ourselves. I really believe that we can't truly enjoy these things on our own. Children don't amuse themselves for long. They do their childish things in partners or groups. I think it'll take a special significant in our life to enjoy this with in order to truly be happy doing childish things again.
  3. Keenan's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by LonelyPlanet
    I think one major missing link we have lost is simply someone else to play with.
    ...
    We can't smile at childhood things anymore because we'd only be smiling by ourselves. I really believe that we can't truly enjoy these things on our own. Children don't amuse themselves for long. They do their childish things in partners or groups. I think it'll take a special significant in our life to enjoy this with in order to truly be happy doing childish things again.
    You're very right with that final part. That's what it boils down to. I end up feeling "silly" or "stupid" when I actually do childish things by myself.
  4. AgentRoswald's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by LonelyPlanet
    I feel the same way. Like I have permanently separated myself from my childhood self and I just can't get back to him. I've been anxious to grow up actually and establish a life for myself but now I'm finding that I have thrown away something precious to me in the process without even realizing it. I've lost most of my childhood toys a long time ago save for my pokemon action figures. One time I tried playing with them again like I used to and I just couldn't tap into my imagination like I used to when I was a child. Video games were one thing and action figures used to be another. I could have just as much fun laying my toys down on the floor then I could with a controller in my hand.

    I always get along with kids oddly (it would be odd if you knew me). I think it is because I can still understand their mindset. I can't really stoop to their level and run around again but I can play a tough guy with them and catch them when they run past me.

    I think one major missing link we have lost is simply someone else to play with. If I had someone else to start a pokemon story with then I bet it would've been a lot funner. We can't smile at childhood things anymore because we'd only be smiling by ourselves. I really believe that we can't truly enjoy these things on our own. Children don't amuse themselves for long. They do their childish things in partners or groups. I think it'll take a special significant in our life to enjoy this with in order to truly be happy doing childish things again.
    I think you hit the nail on the head there!

    I wish more of my friends had that child-like innocent mindset sometimes, rather than conforming to how society forces us to act like as we "grow up".
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