by, 22-Jul-2010 at 05:11 (709 Views)
(Listening to: MGMT - Kids)
I find it amusing that as far back as I can remember I've wanted to be younger and carefree. I can remember even as a kid, wanting to be a toddler. As a teenager, wanting to be a kid. Now as an adult, I don't remember what being a child is like, but apparently it's something I still desire.
My roommate has been very supportive. She's made me cloth diapers, she's allowed me to regress as much as I've been able. She's not a caretaker, but she thinks it's interesting, cute, and she knows it helps me get through this stressful life. The irony comes when she tells me to be a kid, and I don't know how. The closest I've come to it has been losing myself in preschooler-themed shows.
Once in a while, I get into playing with her nieces. (Well, they're my nieces too I suppose. They call me Uncle anyway.) Sometimes I can't do it though. It frustrates me to no end when that happens. I feel like I'm failing at doing something I should be really good at! I mean, who better to know how to play with kids then an adult who wants to be a kid? You'd think... ah well.
I think the key to it is that I can regress when I'm not around children, but when I'm around them I feel like I have to watch over them. I feel like I have to protect them as much as I do my inner child. This does make sense, but it doesn't explain why, when not around children, I still can't "feel" like a child. I apparently act like one though, according to several people.
For the record, I don't "dress up" around children. I'm not that kind of person. Do I wear diapers? Sure. As much as I do around anyone else. I don't expose them, nor do I draw attention to them. I just wanted to put this bit here so I don't get flamed or labeled a "perv".
So, thoughts? Anyone else have this strange inability to just ... play?