by, 19-Jun-2010 at 02:35 (1379 Views)
OK, so I know that you're probably sick and tired of hearing about this subject... haha. But as a newbie here it has really piqued my interest, being so hotly debated and frequently brought-up.
I mean, for a start, I didn't really have fantasies about incontinence until I read that some people train themselves to lose control deliberately. I haven't even worn adult diapers before and being so young my future is totally up in the air so I'm not considering in any way, shape or form attempting to lose continence. But something about it just really turns me on.
I suppose as some others have said there are several reasons. To begin with it is like having an excuse for wearing diapers 24/7, and perhaps this feeling of 'need' to wear them would assuage any psychological guilt or malaise you feel about your desire to wear diapers all the time. By not having any control over your bodily functions you have become more infantile in a way that using diapers consciously just doesn't compare to. You become dependent and frequently vulnerable. Not to mention I am generally a bit of a coward and, though I have no experience of wearing diapers publicly (or in private, for that matter), I know I am the kind of person who would chicken out of taking the leap from being diapered privately to going out in diapers and using them in public, because I would just be so scared of being discovered or judged. I don't have the kind of self-confidence for that. Being incontinent would remove that dilemma for me. The choice would be removed, I'd be forced to wear them in public every day whether it freaked the hell out of me or not, and from a fantasy point of view (all cons eliminated) that just seems like it would be awesome.
I know it wouldn't be, but this is all hypothetical.
I don't really know why I regard diapers in this way. I don't remember anything of my time as a child using them, nor do I particularly remember any bedwetting problems. I presume I was potty-trained early and without a hitch from this, and if bedwetting did hit me it definitely was not a major thing or lasted a long time. For me I think the allure of diapers is in the feel of wearing them and using them with all the connotations of infancy it entails, and also the idea of wearing and using in public without anyone knowing. I do feel like wearing in private would probably not be enough for me and because the obstacle of all my fears of being discovered is so strong I am not sure how I will progress into public use. Since my life is changing dramatically at the moment as I am due to move to university in September I am currently not in a position to consider going diapered in public or 24/7, because I don't yet know how I could manage to fit that in with my lifestyle. I'm also troubled by how I would fit it in with my general persona (a young woman who tries to look good, be fashionable and wear nice clothes) or my relationships (dating or coming out about it to friends - family is out of the question!).
Anyway, one of the things I think is interesting is that I find diapers really erotic, but as a woman, wearing pads for periods is just the ultimate turn-off. I hate them. (Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this.) I went through about half a year where my period wasn't there, and then when it came back, as if to make up for it, it was REALLY heavy. Being on your period could kind of be compared to temporary incontinence, because you have no control. With those heavy periods it was one day inevitable that I would leak, I bled through a big tampon and a pad in under an hour while at school and I just had no clue until I felt the dampness of my jeans. It was just one of the most humiliating events of my entire life and luckily I think I managed to handle it without anyone noticing (thank you, long black cardigan!) by dashing to the toilet as soon as I noticed and then getting home ASAP, though the whole experience just brought me to really bad tears while I was waiting to get a lift home, and I got some looks for that. That is one of the huge things that lets me know I only consider incontinence an idle fantasy. Of course periods and incontinence are not the same, incontinence would be far worse, but for me that one experience is enough of a put-off to training myself to incontinence.
Yes, it's a personal choice. And to be honest I really wish there were a way you could turn off incontinence, like a switch or something (and while we're at it, I'd love one for menstruation as well!) ... and I admit that currently I'm quite attracted to the idea of becoming a bedwetter, although I haven't given that much serious thought. It seems like a reasonable compromise between full incontinence and full control, allowing the bedwetter a bit of both worlds - the security of knowing you're in control during the day and the gratification of wetting without any conscious decision - and wearing diapers at night would be easy and probably something I'd do anyway. However I can only imagine how something like that might impact on my lifestyle, and at the end of the day I also want to have normal sexual relationships with people who are not DL. Even assuming you could train yourself back it would take time, and if you unexpectedly had company for the night, even forgetting the plastic you'd have on your bed (say you went to theirs), and he/she expected to sleep beside you, none of the three choices of, a) kicking them out/going home to your own bed, b) crossing your fingers you won't wet without a diaper and risking it or c) wearing a diaper and being honest to him/her, seem very attractive. Relationships seem to be a big obstacle for a hardcore DL (that sounds quite amusing ) and I don't know how I'd handle it. I largely consider being a DL a private thing that I would practise on my own, though that may only be because diaper fetish isn't a mainstream thing so I doubt there are many accepting people out there who could work with me in a stable long-term relationship.
Well, those are just my thoughts. For me I think being a DL will be as big a part of my life as I want it to be, and I think I'll be able to set it aside for a long time if I want to. It's just a smaller part of my overall sexuality and fantasies.
Anyone willing to volunteer thoughts on the matter? I'm really curious about other people's fantasies and the extent to which others allow DL into their lifestyle or relationships with friends and lovers. Like my intro thread said, I only recently realised what I was feeling so I'm mainly researching it at the moment, hence any information would be appreciated ^_^ thank you.