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Kinky Kapers of Kaworu!

My delusional cousin

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A couple of weeks ago, I found out that my 19yo cousin has signed up with the US Marines. This is going to be a complete recipe for disaster, and I wish I could pity him for running directly into something he clearly is not prepared for, but in this case, I feel somewhat a sense of sadistic joy. Finally, somebody is going to put him in his place, seeing as his mother did not even try to do that at any point in his life.

I can hear some of you asking already - why do I hate him so much? Simple, I trusted him inside of my apartment several times, and he repaid that trust by stealing from me on a couple of occasions. He is no longer welcome here because of that, I don't give a fuck about how the rest of my family says I should pity him. Even somebody as delusional as he is knows that you don't fucking steal shit. He was not even a very smart thief - a couple of the games he stole from me had more than one disc, and he only stole the first disc, leaving the rest of the game sitting on my shelf. Yeah, he stole video games from me - he took the games out of the cases and left the cases on my bookshelf so that I would not catch on to what he was doing until after he left.

Oddly enough, the rest of the family is on my side on this issue with one exception - being my mother, who insists on chastising me for accusing him of stealing from me when I really "should be pitying him". Anybody surprised with that?

So, he signed up for the Marines. He'll go away a couple of weeks after he graduates from high school. Why is he still in high school at 19? Simple - his mother let him play video games all day instead of having him focus on his homework from school, so he got held back a year and a half.

He thinks he is going to go into Marine boot camp and automatically be the toughest motherfucker in the room. His own words - "Nobody is going to boss me around when I am in there. I am going to be telling them what to do."

First off, he is not the toughest motherfucker in any room. He is a fucking coward who won't man up to his misdeeds, and why should he, with his mother protecting him from the consequences of his own actions? I am not the only person in the family that he stole from, by the way - and he never faced any real discipline following his seedy deeds. He thinks he can walk all over anybody he wants to, he thinks he can take advantage of the world around him, he seriously believes that he won't face any consequences when he tries to boss around the Marine drill sergeant. How do I know this? He told me all of this in his own words, and if it were anybody else, I would think it were a bad joke. Sadly, he means what he says when he talks like that.

He is in for a seriously rude awakening. My mother fears he will come back a broken man after a couple of weeks in boot camp. I feel he already is a broken man, and as long as he refuses to do anything good for himself, why should anybody really give a fuck about how he is rushing towards his own destruction? I only give a fuck about this situation because he betrayed me personally - and I feel somebody needs to knock this little bitch into his place.

So, there you have it. Frankly, I wish I could be there in person to see the look of realization that will come to his face when it dawns on him that he really is not all that tough of a man after all. Ah, well, I can't have it all.


  1. kite's Avatar
    Sounds like the Marines are the perfect place for him. Seems the way he was headed, it was either the military or jail anyway. Did you ever get your games back?
  2. Jewbacca's Avatar
    I really think him getting his ass kicked for insubordination would be just what he seems to need.
  3. babymace's Avatar
    My brother was in the US marines corps so I kinda know what your cousin about to go through. In short he's about to get shit kicked out of him then shoved down his throat then kicked out again and then repeat. That said this is probably the best thing that could happen to him. He'll have some real character when he finishes boot or they'll kill of the two.
  4. Fruitkitty's Avatar
    Honestly, from the sound of it, getting his ass handed to him by the Marines might do him a lot of good. I can't think of anything else that has a better chance forcing his act together. In the meantime, you don't have him around to steal your stuff.

    Sounds like you make out well here.
  5. KaworuVsDrWily's Avatar
    Heh, I never did get my games back. I suspect they are at his mother's house, along with all of his other games. His mother got angry with me when I told her about my suspicions that he was stealing from me - she got about as angry about it as my own mother did. Heh.

    So, I did eventually repurchase most of the games he stole from me - thankfully, most of them are now available used for a much lower price than what I spent on them when they first came out. I do still miss my "Chrono Trigger", though. I doubt he even figured out that I was on to him, because while a lot of the family sided with me, they all told me that confronting him over that would be a very bad idea - primarily because his mother is a sociopath, and raised him to be a sociopath, as well. His father was a more respectable parent (the parents have divided custody), but really, both of them relied too much on pacifying him with video games instead of talking to him and dealing with his issues head-on. And I would easily have more sympathy for the boy (who thinks he is a tough man, but is anything but) if he did not betray my trust earlier. I hope that makes sense.
  6. kite's Avatar
    I really don't understand parents like that, you know, the ones that fail to see their kid as nonjudgmental as possible rather than "oh, not my johny snowflakes!!"
    Really gets to me...
    And sorry to hear about Chrono Trigger. Surprised that a SNES/PS1(?) game of that caliber would even appeal to him. Probably looked shiny enough to trigger his kleptomania though - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.