Just had a long talk with my mother today.....
by, 14-Mar-2010 at 22:20 (338 Views)
Oddly enough, it did not turn out as confrontational as I thought it would.
Basically, my mother was asking me about what I was dealing with, and she seemed to seriously not know why I was dealing with PTSD issues. So, I told her.
The way the picture looks now, there was some seriously major communication issues between me and her throughout my entire life. She was raising me the way her own mother raised her, and she did not take the pain I was in seriously because she had little clue just how bad my school and social life situations actually were. She knew I was having problems making friends, and she knew I had behavior problems - she claims she did not know I was getting my ass kicked on a daily basis, and that she did not know just how badly I was humiliated by my peers and by my teachers on a regular basis as well. She also claims that she knew next to nothing about the illnesses I was going through, and that she had no idea what I had was a degenerative illness.
I am not sure if I trust what she says, but she claims she really wants to make things right between us. If she is serious about that, of course I will do my best to make it work. But I really do not know if I should trust her, even if in this case I really wish I could. Yeah, she made a lot of mistakes, and she is actually making an effort to say how badly she knows she fouled up in the past. A part of me wants to dismiss it all as bullshit, but another part of me wants to believe she really wants to reach out to me, to make things right, to ease the tensions between the two of us.
So, I am going to talk to my therapist about this before I proceed any further. I want to be prepared if she does something to hurt me again, but on the other hand, the tension I have with her has negatively affected my relationship with my sister and my extended family, so anything to calm it down sounds like a decent prospect to me.
I hope that this post does not come across as being terribly naive. Heh.