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Kinky Kapers of Kaworu!

Walking on eggshells

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That is how I feel as I go through my life. I feel as if I am walking on eggshells, that if I break a single one of them then the rest of them will crack along with that one and things would be completely ruined.

I know that feeling is irrational. Yet I feel it anyway. Heh.

I am always worried about saying the wrong things, that my thoughts and opinions are patently offensive, that I really have no place in the world around me.

Like I said, I know these feelings are irrational.

I still feel them anyway.

It is easier for me to open up about my thoughts and opinions online, behind a veil of anonymity. Thus, I tend to make more connections with others through the Internet than I do IRL. Yet I crave IRL relationships. This situation is not all that great.....

I hope this post does not come across as being too terribly emo. Heh.
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  1. Loopygone's Avatar
    I know exactly what you mean. I hold my self back in RL a lot more then I do online, just because I think people won't like what I say, or that I think different to others.
    Yet online I make better friends (and when I meet them irl I can be my self a little more). Also when I drink, usually I'm quite quiet and reserved, but after a few beers (like 3-4 nothing excessive) I just open up a little more, and find it easier to just chat to people.

    What I try to do is take the way I talk online and apply it to real life, seems to help a bit. Just gotta remeber to take out all the dirty internet stuff :P.
  2. KaworuVsDrWily's Avatar
    Strangely, whenever I go to a karaoke bar, I tend to open up SOOO much more than I do when I am usually myself. But only when I go with people I trust. When I went with my sister a couple of years ago, I really went wild when I was up on that stage. Going up on that stage without anybody I know in the audience seems so pointless to me.

    Strange how something like that is able to open me up. But my younger sister told me, "You are a real Prima Donna when you go up on the karaoke stage!". LOL! But, she is right about that, when I feel somewhat comfortable in my surroundings, I take it as far as I can.

    The thing is, I really do not feel that comfortable in my surroundings for the most part.

    I hope this post makes sense.
  3. avery's Avatar
    wow, i feel EXACTLY the same way!-- like i could say the wrong thing to somebody without meaning to and totally wreck my relationship with them. or that i could make a bad decision and completely destroy my life and turn into a homeless crazy person who smells like shit and talks to himself and shouts at people for no reason.

    i guess it basically boils down to a lack of self-confidence. it's best not to stress yourself out about things that probably matter a lot less than you think they do. the older and more experienced you get, the easier it will be for you to say the right thing, so don't be afraid to socialize with people. it's all about learning from your mistakes, rather than stressing out about them.

    keep in mind, though, that i say that as someone with only very modest social skills, who often stresses about small mistakes way more than he should!
  4. Loopygone's Avatar
    Kaworuchan, I'm exactly the same, when I'm with people I'm comfortable with I'm alot less on guard. And alot more open and unhinged (in a good way :P).

    Avery, I think you hit the nail on the head with the lack of self confidence. Over thinking of what people are thinking of me is the main issue, and it all comes down to that lack of self confidence.
    I've been working on it though, as well as changing my life style, and trying to let my personality out easier.
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