Yes, this *is* a rant.
by, 20-Feb-2008 at 01:53 (657 Views)
And though I don't really like to rant, I figured that I've got this space to do so and it would be better to get it off my chest here rather than to any one persons face. Yes, I'm transgendered. Yes, I've heard pretty much every derogatory term for what I am, I've got pretty thick skin. Water off a ducks back, yes?
But it really, *really* pisses me off when people disrespect my right to call myself a girl. I couldn't give a stuff if someone wants to call me a skanky-bitch-ho-fgt or whatever; but someone ever calls me a he, or refers to me as a him, or otherwise denounces my hard work? Well, they can go to hell. I'm serious, just go and die.
I understand this may seem harsh, or like I'm over-reacting; but understand my perspective on this. I grew up as a boy, I was born as a boy, and for all intents and purposes? I died as a boy. Yes, some would call it cowardice, the evil S word - suicide. Some proclaim that it's the easy way out, that it's not to be commended. I wholeheartedly disagree. The day I attempted to take my own life; I was reborn. That day, Sarah - the girl who I've always been, but was never able to properly embrace - became the only living person I could possibly be.
The transitional journey to correct the mistake nature made when dealing out gender and body isn't an easy one, it's no cake-walk, it's no bed of roses. It's difficult, it's challenging, it's possibly the greatest trial that I'll ever face in my life. First I had to deal with the trauma of almost destroying my family for fear that I'd never be able to live the way I needed to; and in the end, my fear was based on social prejudice - my parents embrace who I am and I know this now. It's warped social views that made it so difficult to come out. After coming out, the changing-of-the-hormone-guard - being dropped into the estrogen ocean? It's even harder. Can you imagine having everything in your body that controls how you react to each and every moment in your life..replaced with a completely new set? That once upon a time, if you couldn't get a cheeseburger because they were out of cheese would've made you shrug your shoulders, and maybe be a little angry; but that now it makes you want to cry?
The rollercoaster doesn't last forever; eventually it starts to level out, but where does that leave a person? In a terrible transitory state; not feminine enough yet in personality and social governings to really *pass*, but really quite unable to live as a boy. What bathroom do I use? Where do I shop for clothes? How do I get my bust measured for my first bra? These questions, these trials, they're difficult and there's no instruction book for it - one can only hope to have supportive friends. And yes, I did have those friends. I do have these friends. I got lucky.
Once you pass the angrogyne phase though, once you're able to pass as a girl and you're able to fit in; you feel like you've arrived. And that's how I feel; I feel that through all this, I've earned the right to be addressed with female pronouns. That I've earned the right to say, quite proudly, "I'm Sarah Klozsko and I'm a girl. So why try and deprive me of this? Why try and denounce it, and take it away? Is it just to get a rise out of me, to make you giggle? Don't you ever think about how it might make me feel?
I guess not.
Thanks for your time.