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Sawaa

Yes, this *is* a rant.

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And though I don't really like to rant, I figured that I've got this space to do so and it would be better to get it off my chest here rather than to any one persons face. Yes, I'm transgendered. Yes, I've heard pretty much every derogatory term for what I am, I've got pretty thick skin. Water off a ducks back, yes?

But it really, *really* pisses me off when people disrespect my right to call myself a girl. I couldn't give a stuff if someone wants to call me a skanky-bitch-ho-fgt or whatever; but someone ever calls me a he, or refers to me as a him, or otherwise denounces my hard work? Well, they can go to hell. I'm serious, just go and die.

I understand this may seem harsh, or like I'm over-reacting; but understand my perspective on this. I grew up as a boy, I was born as a boy, and for all intents and purposes? I died as a boy. Yes, some would call it cowardice, the evil S word - suicide. Some proclaim that it's the easy way out, that it's not to be commended. I wholeheartedly disagree. The day I attempted to take my own life; I was reborn. That day, Sarah - the girl who I've always been, but was never able to properly embrace - became the only living person I could possibly be.

The transitional journey to correct the mistake nature made when dealing out gender and body isn't an easy one, it's no cake-walk, it's no bed of roses. It's difficult, it's challenging, it's possibly the greatest trial that I'll ever face in my life. First I had to deal with the trauma of almost destroying my family for fear that I'd never be able to live the way I needed to; and in the end, my fear was based on social prejudice - my parents embrace who I am and I know this now. It's warped social views that made it so difficult to come out. After coming out, the changing-of-the-hormone-guard - being dropped into the estrogen ocean? It's even harder. Can you imagine having everything in your body that controls how you react to each and every moment in your life..replaced with a completely new set? That once upon a time, if you couldn't get a cheeseburger because they were out of cheese would've made you shrug your shoulders, and maybe be a little angry; but that now it makes you want to cry?

The rollercoaster doesn't last forever; eventually it starts to level out, but where does that leave a person? In a terrible transitory state; not feminine enough yet in personality and social governings to really *pass*, but really quite unable to live as a boy. What bathroom do I use? Where do I shop for clothes? How do I get my bust measured for my first bra? These questions, these trials, they're difficult and there's no instruction book for it - one can only hope to have supportive friends. And yes, I did have those friends. I do have these friends. I got lucky.

Once you pass the angrogyne phase though, once you're able to pass as a girl and you're able to fit in; you feel like you've arrived. And that's how I feel; I feel that through all this, I've earned the right to be addressed with female pronouns. That I've earned the right to say, quite proudly, "I'm Sarah Klozsko and I'm a girl. So why try and deprive me of this? Why try and denounce it, and take it away? Is it just to get a rise out of me, to make you giggle? Don't you ever think about how it might make me feel?

I guess not.

Thanks for your time.
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Comments

  1. avery's Avatar
    i think everyone should be required to read this. thanks for that glimpse into what your life has been like. anyone who doesn't respect your courage and determination after reading that is clearly just being a douche.
  2. Squigma's Avatar
    Well I do think that, after going through that, you've I earned the right to be called a girl. I did feel as though it was kinda lying for someone to say they're a girl when they're not a girl biologically. But you've given me a good insight, and opened my eyes. It's what's inside that counts!
  3. Dawes's Avatar
    Sarah,

    I can definitely understand the struggles that you -- and people like you -- go through on an everyday basis, and I wish for your sake and the sakes of others that people were more forgiving, understanding, and accepting of what did not necessarily conform to the normal.

    Fortunately, you've been given a second chance that you're willing, to all ends, to defend, and it's satisfying to know that though you might get upset or discouraged, you're also not just going to lay down and take it, either. It's good to be defensive of who you are now, because she's the one who's going to change the world, even if that change affects only you!

    I couldn't imagine having the courage and wherewithal to go through the processes that you did for a permanent change -- and for that, I salute and respect you endlessly!

    And for those who don't seem to understand that?

    The middle finger seems to be the best way to greet them!
  4. Sawaa's Avatar
    Avery ~ Thank you so much <3 You're a true gem; don't ever underestimate how powerful your words can be.

    Jack26 ~ I'm glad to have opened even one set of eyes. Thank you for taking the time to read!

    Rance ~ Oh Rance, you're worth your own weight times ten in gold and good fortune. Your admiration and support means so much to me; that someone who was a stranger to me for most of our lives can be so caring and considerate is mind-blowing. ILU Rance <3
  5. BabyMullet's Avatar
    I tip my hat to you friend. You have immense courage and power of self, and I admire you greatly. Thank you for sharing and educating the community so that we all can finally move forward.

    This compliment may sound weird, but you would make a good clown.
  6. Sawaa's Avatar
    A clown? I don't get it, what'dya mean?
  7. CuddlyMonster's Avatar
    I think i love you.
  8. Sawaa's Avatar
    Aww, really? <333
    ILU, too
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