At a crossroads.
by, 23-Apr-2009 at 23:00 (1081 Views)
Over quite sometime my life has been coming up to a boiling point and today seems to be that fateful day where I should put all the fucking damn bullshit I have ever known and done behind me.
The first thing I want to get off my chest is my the way my grandmother treated me and how my dad picked up the fuckin slack for it after she died.
My grandmother never abused me, she never did anything wrong other then the fact she would never let me fucking grow up. I don't care if I was the last of her flipping grand children, but was she that way fuck no. So what does she do, she fucking spoiled me to the extent all the other siblings in my own home and at my aunt's hated it. I have several ideas to why she did this but my theory's don't matter what does/did matter is she never let me grow up which I needed to do.
So when I was about maybe 10 she finally died thanks to countless years of smoking and knowing in the end it was going to kill her and it did. Anyways after that my dad most likely picked up the slack of spoiling me which really pissed off my sister who was just becoming a teenager. She surely needed my attention and love then a spoiled 11 year old brat such as me. However she couldn't take that bullshit so she moved to our aunt's house and for good reason too.
My dad has always said that both of my siblings moving out years before they were 18 was their own choice, and it was however I can FULLY understand why they did. Right now I am at that same boiling point of saying fuck you, I don't need your FUCKING GOD DAMN BULLSHIT.
My dad has effortlessly driven everyone away from him and never tried to work out his problems with them, ever. Today he was the one that got pissed off while driving over some stupid maneuver a idiot in a Mazda 3 did. He got so pissed off he nearly crashed into the back of one of his friend's cars. After that I wasn't going to ride with this fucktard if he get's so pissed off about someone not using their blinker when you could predict they were going to turn into your lane anyways.
So he's yet to say I am sorry for getting pissed off, taking it out on you and nearly slamming into my friends car and pulling up slightly on the side walk at 15 mph, if not more. So I walked back home with what has to be over 5 miles and took a hour. I did not have my Ipod with me so I was left to pounder everything about my life which was needed anyways.
So now, fuck this bullshit of a life I am going to change for the better and if my dad wants to stay stuck here in the fucking put of hell I am not going to drag him along. He can do whatever the fuck he wants and be devoid of any emotion but anger if he wants but if he's still acting that way anytime soon he will indeed lose the last child he has. At that point in time I think he will finally fucking see what he's been doing all these past 26 years since he's tried to start a failure of a family and it will eat him alive. I bet it already started some time ago and that's why he's still pissed off.
(A hour or two later after my inital posting of this... I was a bit harsh however I do think all of what I said is true. I also know no one intentionally meant to hurt anyone in anyway, but shit happens as it did here.)