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Oh Me Oh My! OmiOMy's Rambles


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It's 4:30 AM. i am still awake, the tender notes of my favorite ambient music playing from the phone speakers doing little to help me. Mere minutes ago I had to spring from bed and eject two bugs from my person. One had definitely eaten its fill of my delicious bloodmeats, if the burning sensation in my arm and encroaching vertigo were any indication.

I was in bed hours ago. But sleep — ah, elusive little joker! — eluded me, it did. Even on four benadryl, I was restless and agitated. And itchy. So itchy.

Part of it is worries about the family Xmas dinner... Namely, will there be one.

My relationship with my father has become frayed. One day, while i was visiting with him and my step-mom for the usual "smoke a couple of blunts and talk deep s—" hangouts that had been the thing we do (it was our thing) she pulled me aside:

"Don't think I don't see what you're doing."


"With him."

"I broke up with that — "

"I'm talking about your father. I see the kind of relationship y'all got and I don't like it."

Did she just?

"That s— is sick and I'm stopping it now."

OK, she did just...

She blocks me from seeing him, mostly by inventing errands. When I'm there, she is aggressive and verbally violent. She chews the both of us out if we do anything nice for each other, and in my case is quick to pull the Electra complex card.

I mean look, he was all I had after my mom died from cancer at 9. Of course we're going to be close. There's no reason for her to start s— and yet, she does.

This is guaranteed to happen if I go to dinner. But I haven't seen my dad in two months and we live in walking distance from each other. It makes no sense.

It's just as well. It would be a deadname-misgendering farce.
Tags: diary

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