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Post Semester thoughts for the Worst Semester ever.

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Hi Everyone,

I haven't been posting for a while here as I have been on the receiving end of a lot of undue stress related to my semester. What you probably aren't aware of, besides the two bad professors I had this time, was that I was also working on a personal project related to a game modification that I was in development on and required a lot of my attention. I also found two babyfurs who are also switches (like me) on another discord server whom I always have to try and build back up from bad days they seem to have happened every day to them. The reason why I bonded with them was partial happenstance and partial that they reminded me of my old self and I thought that if I could apply myself as a template onto them and take care of them until their problems are solved, then they will eventually switch roles and take care of me to maintain myself as well. The problem was that I underestimated the extent of their damage and that they were in a relationship IRL. This lead me to get into the middle of a really tough and dramatic situation in which I was caring nearly full time for at least one of them and the other being chronically absent. After diffusing a situation in which the one I was taking care of started to tether his life to the other one and that the chronic absences caused the one I was taking care of to think that the other person was dead (and thus wanted to kill himself) - I became really burned out in the big role and wanted some little time. Problem was that my limited networking skills had resulted in only a few people in the server online that actually knew me. When I was asking around for any other volunteers other than the two that I was taking care of, I was met with furs either wanting to RP by their rules and not respecting mine or due to not knowing me, never spoke up. This made me reach an impasse where I knew I needed some time, but I couldn't act upon it in front of the two I was caring for as a big because I was too prideful to show it.

So I tried my best to supplement with IRL stopgap measures such as roleplaying by myself while watching early Disney movies and or taking out my frustrations out on game enemies once I got Wolfenstein (Old Blood, New Order and New Colossus). They worked for a time, but I found myself starting to slip back into my old habits and old attitude while on my own, but with my parents and therapist I seemed fine. I knew it was only a matter of time before it started to do the same to my parents so I started to hide the fact, fearful of what would happen. I also noticed my diaper supply was running low, but with a limited financial fund to supply them I would have to get more of the abysmal Tranquility ATNs if I ever wanted to stay in my parent's good graces. So I ran on the edge, conserving what I had which also put a strain on my little side more. I also continued the sessions with the person I was taking care of without any regard to my limits. I also kept the peace when the other person was on so as not to cause more trouble then I already have. After finishing the semester I was seriously burnt out and teetering on reverting back to my old self. I took a session from the person I was taking care of because he felt he should be the big this time since I had been doing it a lot lately. Even though he said he would do it and even though the experience was good, not only did I feel guilty for doing so, I also was not as fulfilled from the experience because of the other person's time commitment problems (understandably). I also am in another session tonight, but because it is a more equal session between me (a 2.5 year old cub) and a 5 year old cub, it still is not as fulfilling as a one on one with a caretaker.

I don't know what to do as I cannot fund more diapers without my parents finding out, nor try to roleplay like this with other people who do not have either: the time commitment, the same rules as I do or the caretaker role that I am looking for in an RP partner. Navigating that minefield is half the battle and the struggle to find one is getting hard to bear as I desperately need someone who is more dependable, of the caretaker role or switch and still respecting of my limits. I don't know what this forum can do to ease this time that has come in full force, but I thought it would be good to share it. Hopefully I can find a method fast before I use up the last 8 of my stash or be forced to get two cases of a abdl brand because I cannot help, but buy it.

Until Next Time,
Austin the Lionhearted

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