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Oh Me Oh My! OmiOMy's Rambles

A Ramble, A Breakthrough?

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For me, it's not a fetish. Diapers, that is. And I am so often met with disbelief when I say this.

For me, a soft diaper is a source of comfort, a refuge at the end of the day. It is a place to come home to. It is the place to touch base at when the troubles of the day have worn me down and there are few things that can offer me comfort.

I am a little without a caregiver. I must occupy both of these roles at once when I come home at the end of the day. There are days when I would give — well technically neither of them is a good leg, but you get it — to have a loving caretaker to help me into bed, give me painkillers when I'm sore and other things (#spoonielife), and maybe, just maybe, that Holy Grail of intimacy, a diaper change. ...and then Netflix and cuddles. Because Netflix and cuddles.

But none of it is sexual to me. None of it registers that way. It just... doesn't.

When I first got into diapers, it was a curiosity. I was partially diapercurious because of my bed-wetting problem — having to change the sheets three times a week will do that — and partially because...well, I'm not sure. It just sort of happened. One thing led to another, I guess. I tried different things, I looked at different kinds of diapers. I eventually stumbled across the kind that would be my favorite. But nowhere in that stumbling did it go sexual, even though a lot of the images clearly tried to push that. In fact, that kinda makes me uncomfortable.

I'm not sure, but I think it might have something to do with my PTSD. Very long story short, I was assaulted by a date and then gaslit over two years resulting in a phobia of abandonment. There's more to it but I'm not going to get into it. Padding up and dropping down into littlespace makes those feelings all go away...

...and I think I figured a little of this out. My little side swings wildly in interests, but always goes to a space where no one was doing bad things or leaving. Still don't know where the diapers fit, but I don't think it matters. ... Especially since when I'm in littlespace I have an especially nervous bladder and any shock means accidents.

I think I've made a breakthrough today.

Updated 16-Dec-2017 at 04:05 by OmiOMy (typos)

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  1. BobbyS's Avatar
    Amen!
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