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LittleJ123

My Story (How I discovered my little side)

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Today I want to talk about how I became an ABDL. I want to recount the story of how I discovered my rare attraction for diapers and being babied.

At roughly two and a half years of age, I was a bright and intelligent youngster. I loved life, used my diapers, and had no conception of any other kind of way to live. One day, my parents offered me toys in exchange for me using the toilet, and I happily agreed. I stopped using diapers cold turkey, and they gave me very fun toys as a reward. They were so pleased, and I thouroughly enjoyed playing with the toys. However, it wasn't long after, when I was around 3 and a half to 4 years of age, that I began to feel like something was missing. The soft, warm, comfort of diapers was gone. The diaper changes, and that special one-on-one time being pampered with mom had ceased.

There were still plenty of diapers available in some of my drawers, and in my bedroom closet. I was curious about whether the diapers were as soft and confortable as I remembered. At four years old, they still fit me snugly. So I did what I could to resurrect that special time of love and comfort. I would “play baby”, and run around the house wearing diapers and onesies. My siblings joined in, and my parents thought it was innocent, funny, and cute. They resolved that all was well as long as I didn't actually use the diapers.
Some days I would spend hours on end having fun while diapered. The phrase: “playing baby” pretty much allowed me to wear diapers all the time as I would play with blocks and Legos, build forts with blankets and cushions, and even go on adventures with stuffed animals. Even though I technically no longer needed to wear diapers or be a baby, I found a comfort and freedom from those things that led me into a relaxed and carefree state of mind. As curious as I was about using diapers for their intended purpose, I understood that my parents only allowed me to wear them for play, and I made it a point to remove my diaper every time I had to use the bathroom.

Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. It was inevitable that I would eventually have to give up wearing diapers again. It happened all to quickly one afternoon when I was playing with my siblings (diapered, of course). I remember the day so vividly. I was just wearing my diaper and a t-shirt. I had felt the urge to pee for a while, but had put it off because I was having too much fun. I remember some mental conflict taking place:

“I really have to go!”
“Just a couple more minutes, I don't want the fun to stop.”
(Ten minutes later)
“I can't hold it much longer!”
“But this is so much fun!”

There finally came a point in time where I realized that if I didn't get up from what I was doing and run to the bathroom as fast as I could, I was going to have an accident. That realization had me bounding across the house to the bathroom - about to burst. I ran into the bathroom, didn't even close the door or turn on the lights, and positioned myself near the toilet. I was just about to pull off the tabs of my diaper when it happened: I began to wet myself.

There was an instant sigh of relief, quickly followed by a flood of warmth. I had been holding it for a long time, and was completely emptying my bladder. It was all my four-year-old self could do but stand there wetting my diaper in a wave of relief and comfort and excitement. The diaper grew warm between my legs, and swelled considerably, but completely absorbed my accident. I remember standing there in a moment of disbelief.

“It couldn't have held my wetting, I'm a big boy, and this diaper is supposed to be for babies! But it did...Perhaps I'm not ‘too old’ to be wearing diapers after all...”

There was a brief moment in time where I stood there in the bathroom feeling like a little toddler at last. It was a wonderful and magical experience. I imagined what my life could look like from that moment on if my parents would let me wear diapers again.

“I could have kept playing, and wet my diaper (just like this). Then mom would change me, and I would feel so special.”

I called for my sibling, and unknowingly alerted my mother as well. I remember her standing in the bathroom doorway, and turning on the lights to reveal her four-year-old son in his wet diaper. The look on her face was one of disappointment. It was at that moment my feelings shifted drastically. The feelings of excitement and relief and comfort turned to embarrassment and shame and alienation. Without saying much, she removed my diaper, rolled it up, and placed it on the bathroom counter. She drew a bath (as it was almost dinner time).

I will never forget standing there in the bathroom next to the bathtub looking over at my diaper on the counter. I looked down at myself, and back up at my diaper. I felt incomplete - like something was missing. My comfort, support, and confidence seemed distant. My mind was silenced at the thought that this may have been the last diaper I would ever wear.

I begged and begged my parents that night - promising them that I wouldn't wet again as long as I could still wear diapers for play. Even though I desired to wear and use them like a young child, I was willing to compromise. Deep down inside, my biggest fear is that I would never be able to wear diapers again. They wouldn't hear it, and simply told me: “no”.

From that moment on, I realized a few things about myself: I loved to wear diapers. I loved to be babied. For me, wearing diapers and acting little made me feel like my true self. I wanted to be a happy diapered care-free toddler, but the fact that my parents disagreed with what I found comforting was hard for me to reconcile.

So, I kept it to myself. Every couple years or so, I would pop the question again - often in different ways. After all of the diapers were gone from my room, I would make them using towels or clothes. My parents got tired of me trying to make/wear diapers, so around twelve or thirteen years of age, I stopped talking to them about it. I would experiment with creating diapers in secret, which didn't help with my feelings of guilt and embarrassment. At sixteen years old, I finally got the guts to purchase a small pack of adult pull-ups from Walmart, and snuck them home - where I wore in secrecy and moderation, and made the pack last two years.

At nineteen years old, I approached my parents one final time and shared my desires with them. I told them that I had been wearing diapers for two years, and enjoy wearing/using them. I also shared with my parents that I enjoyed playing with Legos, snuggling with my teddy bear, and watching kids cartoons. I ordered a large pack of heavy absorbency two-tap adult diapers. I would spend time in diapers alone in my room and watch children’s shows, color in coloring books, and play with my stuffed animals.

My older sister has become like a mother figure to me - helping watch over me when I wear and play, and caring for me. She also takes me out to restaurants, parks, and movies where I can wear diapers under my pants, and be myself without any condemnation. She has been a huge support and helped me loose that sense of guilt and embarrassment.

My dream is to one day have a house of my own with a spare bedroom that I could convert into a toddler-style playroom. I could have lots of fun toys and stuffed animals, and plenty of spare diapers on hand. I could once again bound through the house in my diapers and wet them while I play without a care in the world - getting lost in fun and silly adventures. I also aspire to begin a local group with other ABDL’s that want to have fun and wear diapers, but may live with guilt and alienation that hinders them from doing so. I want to tell them how special and unique they are in God’s eyes, and that it’s possible to integrate being little into what most people would consider a “normal” lifestyle. I want them to know that regression can be a healthy, safe, and therapeutic way to relax and unwind. Stuffed animals are soft and snugly no matter what age you are. Coloring books and Legos can be fun whether you’re two or twenty, and diapers (at the end of the day) are just a certain type of clothing.
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