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Fascinating

Explanation of my Feelings.

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Thanks to ADISC I am not going to be ashamed or second guess my decision to wear protection. I like the person I am now a lot better than the way I was before. Before I was drinking less water and having to calculate where I was going to be in an hour before I could drink anything. Safe times in a day can be few and far between when you have a job that doesn't allow for much freedom. Now I feel that wearing has not only been good for my hydration but it is also good for my bladder muscles because I don't have to go as frequently so I have the freedom to increase holding time and sometimes I am very good about not having accidents.

I am going to talk to you honstly about the whole spectrum of ADISC.

A= Adult baby. I feel I am on the low end of this one. I do have some things I have tried, but I'm not going to get too deep into that role play. I want my life to be real and not fantasy. I spend too much of my time at my job and being a mom to be happy as an irresponsible two year old or whatever.
However, I do have some things in my life. I have a musical teddy bear that I bought myself. I hardly ever play with it, but it is a part of my life. I have a favorite blanket that is very much a part of me. I seldom sleep without it. I brought it on my trip but I left it in the van because I felt so comfortable with you that I never missed it. My pajamas are probably a little bit childish, but they sure help me get through cold winters and also help me relax more with you because I don't have to worry about my gown coming up while I'm asleep or anything else happening that I'm not in complete control of.

I have a few pacifiers. I keep one on my night stand and enjoy using it. They help a lot when I get a headache and with stress because they keep my mouth and jaws relaxed and usually my whole body follows. Having one in my overnight bag was indispensable when I had to drive 1,700 miles in a weekend because I didn't have time to toss and turn for an hour or two when I stopped to get in a little rest. I just pop it in and go right to sleep. But I'm so comfortable with you and sleeping in your arms that I would probably not even miss it. So I was considering making them disappear and not telling you.

So I may be attracted to older men as part of my ABDL thing or it could be that they are just really awesome.

Back to ADISC:

D = Diaper lover. I am pretty high on this one. I have always been attracted to or aroused by diapers as long as I can remember. Up until 2014 I didn't know what to make of it and it was my deep dark secret. I didn't admit it to myself so it was impossible to admit it to my husband.

A little story from when I was about 21. I was with my fiance before I married him and there was a stray diaper for when little kids come over. One day after he went to work my weirdness got the better of me and I put it on and used it and then I was scared of getting caught so I lit it on fire and dropped it in the sink thinking I would just turn the water on and put it out if it got put of hand. What I forgot to take into consideration was that the sink was plastic and it started to melt. So I quickly put it out and put the mess in the burn barrel amidst the ashes and it was never found because after I lit the trash the next time I made sure to stir it where it would be sure to burn. Then I put duck tape over the hole in the sink and filled it with water and put a skirt in the water so the hole couldn't be seen. I left that skirt in the sink for a couple weeks before he finally got mad enough to convince me to remove it. Then he saw the hole and bought a new sink and I installed it all by myself. But imagine how awful our relationship was for the next 18 years after I had hidden that from him and never did end up telling him the truth. By the time I figured out what was going on with me we were already divorced and it didn't feel right to tell him.

But wearing them kind of immunizes me from temptation because it is now a regular part of my life instead of something ugly just waiting in the closet to grab me. I'm really glad ADISC was there for me when I had all this to work through. It feels really good to be at the place I am now because I am able to be honest and have clarity in my own life about what I want without caring what someone else thinks. Not that I'm going to tell anyone else what I'm telling you, but at least I am able to be honest with one person.

I = Incontinent Because of my Ehler's Danlos Syndrome I am prone to incontinence. I'm actually glad that I had the issues because I never would have joined ADISC if I hadn't needed them. After I decided I needed them I thought I would go online to find a pattern and sew some and the patterns I found ended up being from ADISC and when I started reading about it a light came on and I realized what I had been dealing with my whole life.

SC = Support Community. I can say that so far in my life this group has done more for me than pastors and counselors and anything else because they understand what I'm going through and they talk about it openly under fake names, but still. I really appreciate being able to discuss anything I need to and not have to have a zillion meetings with a counselor discussing other things when this was really one of the biggest issues in my life.
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