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Bad news for my Cat...Wanting to Be Little with Others, but Having No Connections to 'little' People in my Area Really Sucks!

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Hi all,
I was reading the "Shine" Comic from FurAffinity today by babystar/toddlergirl and then it hit me. I thought to myself that despite the kinky aspects of some of the actions in this comic, I think it would be nice to give up some control for a while. I have always been fascinated with wanting to be completely little in my headspace and being cared for, however I have never had the chance to go to a place that offers it. No, I am not looking for a Mommy or Daddy, but I think that a party similar to what is depicted in that comic would be my ideal place to go to at least start exploring that aspect of my little space. A place where I can be in my headspace with others that do the same thing without caring about needing a diaper change or needing to be fed or needing a pacifier. I can just go full little and give up my control to someone else.

When I usually cub out or go into my little headspace, I have to stay adult enough to change my diapers, get pacifiers and fill up my bottles. None of the external love, besides the security that being in onesies, diapers and sucking on pacis/bottles brings to my mind, is being fulfilled right now and it is so frustrating.

A couple of fears that I have are that I do not know about any meetings or gatherings in my area. I also have fears about giving up control to a complete stranger. The thing is that I need companionship or emotional support if I am to embark on such an adventure and also to give up control - especially since it would be my first time. I am so shy about going to such gatherings since I think that without a proper contact in my state who knows the me by my true name, I may never have the guts to go to one of these 'little' cons or not enjoy it as much without a friend to guide me through the experience. Still, I think I could learn a lot by going and actually going into my little space for a longer time than I am usually allowed at home by my own limits. Because I believe that I may discover what true feelings are unearthed from my little self that have been dormant since I started this journey.

In other news I couldn't be padded and in my headpsace today like I planned as Mom (bio) and I had to prepare the windows for washing on Monday. I think I can go into my headspace on Tuesday if Dad (bio) goes somewhere, but most likely he's going to hog the downstairs; so being little in my room locked up is probably going to be my reality right now. Since my parents want me to do it in private and since there is only so much square footage that is mine and mine alone, I cannot do it in many other places without them or others outside noticing. They have given me an ultimatum that they do not want me wearing diapers in public or even thinking about wearing my 'little' themed clothing in public nor even keeping my blinds open while I am in little headspace. They think that my practices in private tarnish their reputation of raising their son if I was ever to wear in public. It is so frustrating that I am this close to the little space I want and yet so far from attaining it in my own house. The legendary version of my little space that I enjoyed while I was home alone is within my grasp, but there are other factors that prevent it from truly happening. I may be little in my room, but that little space is outclassed from the experience I got when I was home alone and had the entire house to play in.

Also, my cat is doing so much better from the medication. He is no longer throwing up and is fairly happy except during medicine time. Unfortunately this means more bad news. The doctor called recently and said that because he is doing this well on the medication, my cat indeed has Feline Lymphoma. According to the doctor I could expect my cat to be in remission for 6 months to a year at the most before he starts to suffer again and we would have to put him down.... I feel crestfallen to hear this news in addition to worrying about my mother's knee replacement surgery and the impending new semester at my main college which is 5 weeks away.

I have had enough adulting and wish to go to my pure little space, but in my current climate with my parents not wanting to see me while 'little' has made me frustrated at the whole situation of still having to hide it while in my family's house and never truly regaining the little space I lost 2 years ago. I just need hugs right now as it is a difficult road for me right now.

Until Next Time,
Austin The Lionhearted

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