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AustinTheLionhearted

Finally! My Diapers Have Shipped, My Pacis are Coming Today and Mom Angry at me Spending Money.

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Hi all, I have been pretty angry at Amazon the past day for holding up my order of diapers from shipping, but I just got the confirmation this morning that they were on their way. Yay!

I know for sure that 3 of the Pacifiers I ordered along with the pacifier clips are coming in the mail today. However, It says on the tracking feature that the diapers might arrive today because it is being shipped via UPS. Double Yay!

The only trouble was that last night, while I was on the ADISC discord server, Mom discovered my purchase's charge to my checking account. She didn't know what it was, but didn't want to pry to what it was since she respected my privacy. She was disappointed that I didn't show monetary restraint in buying these items, however I told her that it is my money and it was in the budget we went through last week. She also was disappointed that I didn't purchase my items using her account through her subscription to Amazon Prime, but I replied it was a matter of privacy that I didn't use her Amazon prime account. That was because the purchases would have shown up on her purchase history which would have given up the ghost anyway.

She knows about my diapers and my little side, but I am still skittish around the subject when she doesn't approve of me spending money to do it. It is difficult not to feel guilty purchasing these items for your little side when your mother is basically telling you that you have no right to be little in her line of sight as she raised me to be an adult. I honestly have had enough adulting this summer and would like to enjoy the 5 weeks I have left, padded and in my little space.

Unfortunately I have to do it more discreetly than ever before since I can't wear as freely around the house as I used to and the onesies, bottles and pacis I bought would easily give me away. I will have to adapt to a hybrid style of dynamic little space. Whenever I am in my parent's line of sight, I will have to be dressed in normal clothing. So I will have to wear my onesie under my normal clothing most of the time and my pacifier clipped on my person whenever the parents are gone. When they are present, however I must put it away in my pocket. I may also have to confine my bottle usage in one room as doing it in other areas is problematic with dad being in the house most of the time now that he's retired. I can't move out yet and I am limited to how much I can push my parents before they push back with more consequences.

My conflict of my little and adult selves have reached a bloody climax. As I try to embrace my little side, the signs of oppression from my parental overlords is increasing to the point where I have to live in fear that they will punish me if I do not keep that side of me out of their sight. This makes me feel guilty that I am even embracing that side again at all, but as my Therapist has been saying all this time... Don't deny your little self or else you risk a total collapse of your mental state. You should embrace all aspects of who you are, regardless of the consequences that come upon you from external pressures. Be yourself, that is what God expects of you.

Until Next Time,
Austin the Lionhearted
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Comments

  1. Angelic's Avatar
    I was scared to order online when my mom was still around as we didn't have a lot of money and would ask for more than half my money each month, she would scold me for spending money and would of said me spending my money on toys is a waste of money.

    My dad is excepting on the other hand, as long as I don't start hoarding or have too much stuff! He never scolded me for spending my money, he says it's about time I had nice things anyway. As long as i have enough for rent and for bus fare, he doesn't mind. He gets a little funny when I ask to borrow 10-20 but I always pay him back next month
  2. ShippoFox's Avatar
    "Mom discovered my purchase's charge to my checking account"....? Why/how was she looking at your account activity?
  3. Angelic's Avatar
    She wasn't, I never did order anything when she was around
  4. AustinTheLionhearted's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by ShippoFox
    "Mom discovered my purchase's charge to my checking account"....? Why/how was she looking at your account activity?
    My Checking Account and Savings Account is linked to my parent's account information as a cosigner since my financial carrier is the same as my parents (USAA). They have complete access to my accounts since the day I created them as they were required to cosign since I wasn't of age when they were created.

    My parents are also nosy in terms of my spending. If I spend money on something without their input they kind of berate me... Even when I do have their good graces, they forget about the budget that I have talked with them about (that they agreed to) and instead say that I spend money without thinking it through.... They were upset at me on last Christmas Day for buying 200 dollars worth of game currency and premium vehicles for a game I play - without their knowledge.
  5. ShippoFox's Avatar
    Yikes... I got my own account soon after I turned 18 (I think that's when) and it's always only been me that can access it.
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