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AustinTheLionhearted

Finding a Soulmate is Tough in These Times!

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I wasn't sure whether or not to create this post because I have not revealed this to very many people, however after reading and responding to JadeDL's new topic "My boyfriend is super supportive and I love it! <3" I thought I might share my thoughts on the subject.

Before I get started, by the way, is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anyone share my feelings and wish to respond? No answers or even comments to any of my blog posts since the 12th of July.

I digress, Now then; back to the topic of finding a soulmate:
Being both a (recently discovered) Closet Fur and a 'Little' (merged as a babyfur sometimes) is hard work to keep secret, but if that fact makes or breaks a relationship I would not want to compromise my position by telling a girlfriend what is my problem and my way of doing things. It is highly unlikely that females of my generation or even millennials would be accepting of who I am inside without me having to find a date online by social media (which in my opinion defeats the point of trying to find a soulmate in the first place). I realize that my significant other needs to be similar, on the inside, to my own mind in order to avoid philosophical discussions that could turn ugly and religious problems along the way. As of now, however I believe my chances as a not established person of finding someone who not only shares my feelings for them, but also my desires is next to 5%. I realize the world and human nature is imperfect, however to go this long without even one person who is my current friend to become something more is nerve racking.

It was the same in high school too. The ladies were hitting on the jock straps, while the intellectuals at were fighting for survival against insurmountable amounts of bullying and assaulting by any jock that was in the vicinity. Despite having friends, I sensed something more in a few of them. On two occasions I asked if they would like to become something more. Both times, I got shot down. Each time I was shot down, I broke down afterward when I was safely in the confines of my 'little' space. I never had the guts to ask another woman again and as a result, I started to connect myself into a world of my design and into various virtual worlds. This was when I lost sight of where I was with the social noise and gossip. I became inattentive to gossip and turned myself off from the ridicule and abuse that I took each day and not one person having the honor to stand up for me. I had always reported them for their misdeeds, however since I could only tell the administration who they were by sight and not by name, I was discredited and sometimes even accused for the same thing that they did to me, citing "reliable sources" as an excuse to push me further. Eventually I grew tired of having to turn the other cheek whenever I got pushed around. That was when I finally retaliated after dealing with 2 straight years of this treatment. I was punished harshly for retaliating - the administration thinking it was an isolated incident. The more hate I took in, the more distrust and hatred I had for humankind in how they treated the weak. I swore to become strong so that one day, I would be able to not only protect the weak, but to exact a sweet revenge on those who have wronged me. Such a sentiment never bore fruit, however as I remained weak - despite my strong exterior. I remained the same person I was inside and that never changed. Hopeless and longing for someone to take the pain away, I had this reason to remain closed off and turned off - my heart locked away in a cage of logical and analytical thinking. As such I was and still remain completely oblivious to the surrounding world and to whomever was still spreading slander behind my back.
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  1. Tommycombs's Avatar
    You know, when I was first realizing something was up with this diaper/ baby thing, I thought I must be the only freak out there. Oh, I can't dare let anyone find out! I was 13 at the time and also the butt of serious teasing and harassment at school. Remember that "Two for flinching" thing from Stand By Me? That movie had just come out and I'm highly sensitive so I flinch anyways. I got so bruised up from all the hard punches I took from those assholes. I never fit in anywhere and even the girls made fun of me. I always figured if I was lucky enough to meet someone that actually liked me, I'd have to indefinitely shelf this diaper compulsion. Double edged sword. Either single and diapered or married and abstinent.

    I'm married to a (thankfully) very open minded woman now. I have no outside friends. Zippo. She is my only actual friend and also the only one who knows about my ABDL persona. I'd suggest looking, not specifically for ABDL friendly people, but at least open minded, more liberal people. You stand the best chance of meeting someone who will shrug off the weirdness of your hidden little side.

    I'm an outcast. I sound like I've got my stuff figured out but I'm a mess too. So I'm hearing your pain. I'll just say my old go-to mantra that is also in my signature. "What can't be cured must be endured."
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