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CanadianGal

She's such a character.

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My life has been filled with abusive and controlling people. I have never had one single relationship that was not filled with abuse. My parents, my siblings, my teachers, my partners, my friends, have all abused me -- mentally, physically, and even sexually. However, they could not control where I went potty. It was so wonderful to go potty in my pants. I didn't care if it was number 1 or number 2. I just wanted to do something that no one else could control for a change.It was the same sort of feeling when I peed the bed. I just wanted to be doing something for me. That's where the holding and desperation came from. No one could make me go to the bathroom. If I wanted to hold it, there was nothing anyone could do to change that.

Each time I was physically or sexually abused, I would always have an accident. When everything was over, I would be laying on the floor, eyes stinging with tears, body stinging with bruised and pants weighted down with the contents of my bladder and bowels. I would just let it all go. You would think I would associate it with very bad things in my life, but I don't. I remember the wonderful warm feeling as the pee travels down my legs,or the warmth of a mess filling up. Maybe I was going in my pants during abusive times as a way to find peace in there somewhere?!? Who knows?!? Humans are weird.

Even with all of that, I am still a decent human being. I would never treat someone poorly, then say, you don't know me, you don't know the stresses and struggles I have dealt with, you don't know what makes me react the way I do. In fact, I actually loathe it when people say crap like that. You see, I do know you, and I do know your struggles, and I can tell you right here and right now, nothing gives you the right to treat others poorly. Take a good long look in the mirror, because ultimately what it comes down to, is you are treating others poorly, because you have made the choice to do so. You can always decide how you react to someone. You are not special. We have all had our share of abuse and stress in life. What sets some people above others, is how they do not let their struggles define them as a person. That called character, and integrity. And it is your integrity and your character that sets you apart, and defines you, not your struggles. Only you can control how you react to someone. Only you can define what you become as a person. You decide. Do you hold it in or let it all go!
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