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MarchinBunny

Asperger's?

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So over the course of the past few months, I have gone from believing there is no way I could be autistic to now fairly certain it's the case.

I, honestly, had a lot of negative views on autism. A lot of misconceptions and preconceived notions. I felt those who would constantly mention they were on the spectrum were just looking for attention and sympathy. Anytime I saw someone mention it in their post, I thought to myself "How irritating, I don't care, why do you always mention it. It's not an excuse. Stop using it as a crutch."

There were also times where those who were on the spectrum would bring up certain things like, who (famous people) may have been aspie or they would try to find some sort of connection with it to being AB/DL. Both of these things would irritate me for a several reason. One, I didn't like the idea of all these famous smart people being thought to be on the spectrum because these are often people I look up to, Einstien for example. It bothered me because I considered myself similar, maybe not as smart, but certainly similar to them. After all, all these reasons they list for why they may have been on the spectrum, I have these exact problems too and im not autistic. It's just those who are autistic trying to make themselves feel better.

Two, I often would say to myself that I am AB/DL and I don't have autism. In fact, I didn't even want to consider the possiblity that I could be autistic. So when someone would question if there was some sort of link, I felt like they were telling me, I might be an aspie ... and I felt I couldn't have that. It got to the point where I took a little test just to prove to myself I wasn't on the spectrum. [url]http://autismcanada.org/about-Autism/diagnosis/screening-tools/?gclid=COGWoI2nh9MCFQEHaQodhdUIhg[/url]

I was shocked by the result because not only was it positive, but quite a bit of a high score 37 if I remember correctly and 30+ was considered high risk. Not low risk. Not average risk, but high risk. This bothered me quite a bit and I thought to myself, there is no way.

It sort of makes me feel pretty bad about it now after reading so much on it and becoming more knowledgable.
I actually cannot believe how wrong I was about autism and my lack of understanding on what it even was. It's also surprising to me that there is a lot of symptoms that I didn't even know were symptoms that I have. Things that I just saw as a personality trait and nothing more.

When I look at information for signs of autism ... I had and still have so many of them, I can't even believe it's something that was never considered by anyone in my family. My sisters daughter has autism and now after learning so much about it, my sister really doesn't see it as all that surprising I would have it too and she feels it makes sense now.

It's nothing new that my parents where not very good parents and were quite frankly abusive to a pretty severe degree. They never took me to get anything checked out that could be a problem. They never really did anything. Not even taking me to a dentist once in my life. So it's not very surprisng to think I could be aspie without ever knowing it because there was never an oppurtunity that I could be diagnosed.

With that said, I do know I cannot just say "Yes, I am autistic." I have not been officially diagnosed and I am certainly not a professional. But as it stands now, it does certainly look to be the case ... and honestly, I don't think I will have trouble accepting it anymore. If I get diangosed as an aspie once I get the oppurtunity to be evaluated, so be it. It can only help me to know, and it will just bring me a step closer to understanding myself better and forgiving myself for being the way I am.

I did come across another test I decided to take for fun. Here are the results of that test.

[url]http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php[/url]
[B]Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 68 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)[/B]
[img]http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly10a.php?p1=64&p2=75&p3=68&p4=31&p5=58&p6=67&p7=68&p8=87&p9=75&p10=87[/img]
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  1. KimbaWolfNagihiko's Avatar
    If you would have told me ten years ago that I would later be diagnosed as autistic, I might not have believed you. I think society and the media tends to focus on the more severe cases - the kids who don't speak and seem locked in their own little world - so there's probably the general misconception that that's all autism is, and the less severe instances get glossed over.

    Also, Asperger's syndrome is no longer a diagnostic category in the DSM-5. If this is the manual used in Canada to diagnosis mental conditions as it is here in the States, a person who formally would have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome would now receive the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Except for those whose condition affects social skills only, those people may be diagnosed with the new social communication disorder.

    I'm personally not really bothered by the fact I have autism. It's not like, disgraceful or anything to me. It's the issues it causes that are a bit more bothersome. However, I do know my parents are treating it like something to be hush-hush about. They're the ''nobody needs to know my business'' type of people. For example, my mom told my aunt that I went to a local job-search place and that they're going to help me find a job - she left out the part that I went there to meet with a case worker from the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation to get enrolled in a job program for people with disabilities.

    I'm not really surprised that I went undiagnosed for so long. I mean, two rather uneducated parents who know nothing about autism raising a child in the 90's and already dealing with a troublesome older kid with ADHD. As long as I wasn't acting like my brother, all was probably well in their eyes. I can't really blame them, cause like I said myself, ten years ago I wouldn't quite believe it if someone said they thought I had autism.
  2. Sprinkles's Avatar
    Happy Autism Acceptance Month and welcome to the spectrum!

    I wasn't diagnosed with autism (previously known Asperger's syndrome) until I was almost a teenager. I think part of the reason it went unnoticed was due to being homeschooled. It's not that I wasn't socialized, it just that I didn't have spend 8+ hours surrounded by people in public. I also never sought out friends because just the time spent at family members' birthday parties left me feeling drained afterwards.

    I have pride in my autism and don't want any "cures". It's caused some confusion and difficulty in my life, but I honestly feel like things have only gotten better after getting an official diagnosis. A wide array of services have been offered to me and I'll be getting job-training for neurodivergent people in the near future.

    Also, if you're new into learning about autism, avoid anything Autism Speaks related. That "non-profit" organization only gives 4% of donated money back to autistic individuals.
  3. KimbaWolfNagihiko's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Sprinkles
    Happy Autism Acceptance Month and welcome to the spectrum!

    I wasn't diagnosed with autism (previously known Asperger's syndrome) until I was almost a teenager. I think part of the reason it went unnoticed was due to being homeschooled. It's not that I wasn't socialized, it just that I didn't have spend 8+ hours surrounded by people in public. I also never sought out friends because just the time spent at family members' birthday parties left me feeling drained afterwards.

    I have pride in my autism and don't want any "cures". It's caused some confusion and difficulty in my life, but I honestly feel like things have only gotten better after getting an official diagnosis. A wide array of services have been offered to me and I'll be getting job-training for neurodivergent people in the near future.

    Also, if you're new into learning about autism, avoid anything Autism Speaks related. That "non-profit" organization only gives 4% of donated money back to autistic individuals.
    Yup yup. I was homeschooled too. I would play with my cousins when they came to visit, but overall was not too bothered by the fact that I didn't spend much time around kids my own age.

    And yeah, that's an area where getting a diagnosis does help. Once it's on paper, services become available.

    Anyway, I took both of the quizzes MarchinBunny linked. I'd taken the first one multiple times before, with varying results, including at my therapist's office, and this time scored 34, high risk. Interestingly enough though, with the other one I basically got a negative:

    Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 68 of 200
    Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 120 of 200
    You are very likely neurotypical

    There were a couple questions on that one that stood out to me though, like difficulty telling time. I had some issues with that until I was about 10 years old.
  4. MarchinBunny's Avatar
    [QUOTE=KimbaWolfNagihiko]If you would have told me ten years ago that I would later be diagnosed as autistic, I might not have believed you. I think society and the media tends to focus on the more severe cases - the kids who don't speak and seem locked in their own little world - so there's probably the general misconception that that's [I]all[/I] autism is, and the less severe instances get glossed over.[/QUOTE]
    Ya, that is pretty much what I think is the cause for why I had viewed it the way I did.

    [QUOTE]I'm personally not really bothered by the fact I have autism. It's not like, disgraceful or anything to me. It's the issues it causes that are a bit more bothersome.[/QUOTE]
    Ya, honestly, if I was to get an official diagnoses at some point I would feel the same way now.

    [QUOTE]However, I do know my parents are treating it like something to be hush-hush about. They're the ''nobody needs to know my business'' type of people. For example, my mom told my aunt that I went to a local job-search place and that they're going to help me find a job - she left out the part that I went there to meet with a case worker from the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation to get enrolled in a job program for people with disabilities.[/QUOTE]
    I know my mom is quite like that as well.

    [QUOTE]I'm not really surprised that I went undiagnosed for so long. I mean, two rather uneducated parents who know nothing about autism raising a child in the 90's and already dealing with a troublesome older kid with ADHD. As long as I wasn't acting like my brother, all was probably well in their eyes. I can't really blame them, cause like I said myself, ten years ago I wouldn't quite believe it if someone said they thought I had autism.[/QUOTE]
    Ya, I suppose that is a good point. My parents though in my case were quite neglectful, so no matter how obvious it may have been ... I don't think it would have mattered. Heck, even if they suspected it, I doubt they would have done anything about it.

    [QUOTE]Anyway, I took both of the quizzes MarchinBunny linked. I'd taken the first one multiple times before, with varying results, including at my therapist's office, and this time scored 34, high risk. Interestingly enough though, with the other one I basically got a negative:

    Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 68 of 200
    Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 120 of 200
    You are very likely neurotypical

    There were a couple questions on that one that stood out to me though, like difficulty telling time. I had some issues with that until I was about 10 years old.[/QUOTE]

    Huh, interesting. The second test was just something random I found for fun. It's not really looked at as any sort of valid test so I wouldn't worry about it. The first one is from a valid source though, so I imagine it can at least be trusted for use as a screening tool since that is what it is lol.

    [QUOTE=Sprinkles]Happy Autism Acceptance Month and welcome to the spectrum![/QUOTE]
    Well, can't welcome me just yet XD, not officially diagnosed. It's only something I suspect at this point. But I will say, having talked with quite a few who have asperger's and reading about it, it now just seems likely. I mean, it would make so much sense really.

    [QUOTE]I wasn't diagnosed with autism (previously known Asperger's syndrome) until I was almost a teenager. I think part of the reason it went unnoticed was due to being homeschooled. It's not that I wasn't socialized, it just that I didn't have spend 8+ hours surrounded by people in public. I also never sought out friends because just the time spent at family members' birthday parties left me feeling drained afterwards.[/QUOTE]
    For me, I wasn't homeschooled. To be honest, I am not sure why no one seemed to have noticed. It's like all the individual problems that is typical for Asperger's was often pointed out to me as a problem ... it was just never actually thought to be anything but a set of odd personality traits. In fact, many things I thought where normal isn't normal. That seems to happen with me quite often. Such as before really accepting I was transgender, feeling like I should be a female and being attracted to guys ... I thought it was normal. Ya, I mean, I know others treated it like it wasn't normal, but I thought they where just not admiting it. I figured all guys were attracted to some guys and they just didn't want to admit it. The same with feeling like I should be a girl. i figured it was normal and everyone goes through it at some point in there life.

    You know ... it's actually quite stupid and I don't know what caused me to think this way lol. XD I have always viewed so many of my oddities as normal even though I was aware not many people had the same issues.

    [QUOTE]I have pride in my autism and don't want any "cures". It's caused some confusion and difficulty in my life, but I honestly feel like things have only gotten better after getting an official diagnosis. A wide array of services have been offered to me and I'll be getting job-training for neurodivergent people in the near future.[/QUOTE]

    Ya, I don't think I would want a cure either. Because as far as I am concerned, this is who I am and i wouldn't want that to change. It's the same reason why I wouldn't want a cure for being transgender. I mean we are talking about personality here, and who we are at the foundation. Wanting a cure would be like wanting to be someone else entirely.

    [QUOTE]Also, if you're new into learning about autism, avoid anything Autism Speaks related. That "non-profit" organization only gives 4% of donated money back to autistic individuals.[/QUOTE]
    Will do, thank for the advice. =^.^=
  5. ShippoFox's Avatar
    33 on the first one

    And...

    Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 144 of 200
    Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 53 of 200
    You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
    http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly10a.php?...2&p9=74&p10=86

    My school was concerned about some test results when I was in like.... kindergarten or first grade. I guess I was kinda scared too. My parents did their best to explain it away though. They didn't want me to be labeled "mentally ill", I guess....? And they didn't want people picking on me... but that happened way too much anyway. some people disagree, but I think bullying has strongly affected who I am today in many more negative than positive ways. And I think they just wanted me around "normal" kids or something. Maybe struggle builds character.... but I think it can destroy character too.

    So maybe I have asperger's.... I probably do. Or just... other conditions that mimic it.... I dunno.

    I just think people generally don't understand autism. Like with anything else, they wrongly associate it with only the most severe of the group.

    I often wonder... did my parents do the right thing? Did they protect me by explaining it away? Or did they accidentally screw things up for me? I did bring it up to my mom once... she just said "oh it was nothing, the school was being ridiculous" But I think she just didn't want to associate me with someone that's "very autistic"... even though I'd be more a high-functioning case of asperger's. (if so)
  6. KimbaWolfNagihiko's Avatar
    I think I've taken the first test like... six times now. I can recall one time it came back average risk, but I think all the other times it came back high. I don't know about the time I took at the therapist's office because she didn't give me a score
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