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ClandestineWing

First Regression In A Long Time

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And the first blog in a long time. With how fast the world is moving these days, I haven't had much time to commit my thoughts to words. To think that years ago, I was in my late teens/early twenties with my future far ahead of me and all the time in the world. For the past four years, I've stumbled through full-time jobs and various side hobbies in the hope that my future would eventually happen, but my future was happening all along, and with little effort on my part to make an actual career happen.

I've decided to pursue a career in music producing and engineering. The road of learning is long and requires a lot of time and discipline. In the past month, it's become apparent that my job and my AB indulgences are what I've naturally set aside. Of course not completely; I'm still working part-time and I'm still finding time to wear a diaper to bed occasionally.

Tonight, I had a strong desire to give myself the full treatment: My bottle, my pacifier, my favorite plushie, an episode of Blue's Clues, and my footed sleeper with a thick and powdered ABU Cushies underneath. I missed this feeling, this blissful state of mind. The state where I baby around as I please without questioning why, but just feel happy.

Sometimes it's not worth explaining the feelings that come over me and it's best to just go with them. I've spent too long questioning my feelings instead of following them. With last year over with, I can move forward this year without my apprehensive thoughts and overperfectionism fogging up the road ahead. There's no point in trying to be perfect in everything I do when I finally have my ideal perfect career in my sights. I'm truly grateful for all my friends who have been by me through the glory of my victories as well as the despair of my falterings.

Now, this big baby is going to head off to bed.
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