View RSS Feed


A New Adventure

Rate this Entry
<p>Iíve always been a baby. Or at the very least a little kid. It started when puberty hit, and my mom wanted me to start packing up some if not most or all my childhood toys and blankets etc. I fought this process for years. I always knew that growing up was something I just did not want to do. In fact I tried to kill myself once just to prevent that very thing.</p>

<p>I fought packing up my stuff so hard, that my mom waited until I was at my dadís for the weekend and had my older sister go through my room and pack/throw away whatever she saw fit. She ended up throwing away a lot of things that were irreplaceable, things she was just jealous of. Like a box my aunt had made me, covered in photos of us and me as a kid. She never made my sister one. When I asked her about it, she lied and said she had no idea what I was talking about. I donít remember the other things she threw out, but I will always remember that box. When I came from my dadís and saw my basically empty room I threw myself on the floor and cried for an hour. I never got over it.</p>

<p>Then when I was 15 my garage caught fire and most of the things that had been saved but simply packed up were incinerated and gone forever. My original Polly Pocket collection, most of my kids books, all my figures and toys, almost all my dolls, my Barbies, my stuffed animals. All of it.</p>

<p>So what I had managed to keep through all of this, I now hold onto for dear life. </p>

<p>I also grew up very young. It wasnít that my childhood was particularly rough, although it wasnít the best, because my mom wasnít around a lot. But I had good friends and a good home and I was always taken care of. However I learned a lot about the world before I should have, and so lost my innocence at a very early age.</p>

<p>When I moved out of my house I took all my toys with me. I have about 15 rubbermaids full. Iím 27 now, and Iíve moved those rubbermaids 14 times already. Thankfully Iíve been settled for a while now, relatively at least.</p>

<p>In my relationships Iíve always ďactedĒ small. I say it in quotes because it has never really been an act, so much as just another side of myself emerging. The guys Iíve dated have never minded and have even been turned on by it. I donít really care to think up the psychology of why. </p>

<p>I never stopped collecting toys. I still spend most of my extra money on toys. Recently Iíve gotten into the fashion side of it, and Iíve collected a decent amount of hair bows, clips, cute shirts and next shall be some dresses and shoes.</p>

<p>In September I discovered Melanie Martinez. At first I felt an aversion to her. I thought she was mentally ill, messed up, weird in all the wrong ways. But for some reason I had to keep watching her videos. And as I listened more carefully to the lyrics, analyzed the videos, watched her interviews, I came to a sort of deep understanding and beyond that, I felt a connection. I could really, really relate to this person. And thatís why at first I couldnít stand her. Because she represented a part of me I havenít yet accepted, I couldnít accept her.</p>

<p>Now, Iím obsessed with her. I buy all her merchandise, watch her videos daily, and I go to sleep and wake up with her in my head. If Iím not watching her videos or listening to her songs Iím on her Instagram or twitter. I just canít get enough. I wish I could be her. I wish I could at least be her friend. These things will never happen obviously, but she has made me more me, something that hasnít happened in years. I really do Love her for it, and I hope some day I get to meet her, give her a hug and tell her what she did for me.</p>

<p>I donít know how deep this baby rabbit hole is going to go for me, but Iím excited to find out.</p>


  1. MotherFaith's Avatar
    Thank you for being so honest, life is hard when have not got all the answers right away. Keep exploring, keep things fun and above all else enjoy the ride.
  2. Maxx's Avatar
    Mrs. Maxx saved a lot of our kids' toys in hopes of grandkids. Daughter's sons played with a lot of Junior's toys. Junior's daughter now has Daughter's Barbies and is getting into the Lego's that have survived for some 30 years.
  3. Hotdog55's Avatar
    Do 30 year old Legos hurt more or less than new Legos, to step on?
  4. Maxx's Avatar
    Probably more because I can't jump off as quickly as I did 30 years ago.
  5. Hotdog55's Avatar
    Need to work on that reaction time Maxy. They're only going to feel sharper every year. Need to practice. I do remember a summer I didn't wear shoes. Started off with a few chunks of glass, but by august I felt like I could walk on coals. I fully regret that. Only lead to foot issues later in life. Pointless story now that I think about it. But stepping on legos is funny, at literally any age of the stepper, on said Legos.
  6. AdorableRabbit's Avatar
    Oh if you're into the fashion side of things, this is my super favorite place to window shop right now!!!

    They import cute Asian fashion, which totally has a little edge to it, but is not like costumish "I'm dressed as a baby in broad daylight, look at me", but more like, "This is edgy cute fashion - I can be a growup and still like pink and bows and ruffles, so GFYS!"

    HUUUGS! - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.