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LittleJess

bye.

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well, hopefully by the end of this month, no more me.

i think it's best for my own sake for me to kill myself, i can't explain the feeling, but i can't cope, and i don't know what to do, im just sad and hate myself as a person.

out of all the people in the world, why did I have my freindships torn apart, in the end I end up with no one, why did i suffer all this abuse? years of being kicked and verbally abused I supposed got to me.

I'm sick and tired of being reminded how retarded and useless I am by my father, he is moving back in, fuck, honestly at this point I just black it out, i did get some flash backs when he did the other day though. on top of all the physical abuse and verbal abuse from bullies, I had to deal with him, sure he only verbally abuses me, but it makes me sad, it hurts. my body seems to block it out.

wasn't my fault, I have to take my shoes off inside or my dad loses his shit, so I take them off, put them where I usually do, kids run off with them, chuck them over the fence in the mud, than I end up walking in mud, and I get abused for it.. wtf. didn't even listen to me, tried to imitate me, like i was the problem.

happens whenever I do something, oh I take a knife off a kid who keeps fucking pointing it at my face, oh I get abused, wtf fuck this shit, my sister sleeps all day, I don't sleep for a week and sleep in once, I cop abuse. not like blunt knifes, full on sharp knifes at my face, every time I fucking come in side, in a situation like that, I'm surprised I didn't accidentally knock them out in self defense, because I've had situations where I've been punched in the face by bullies and that itself traumatized me a bit. my bother is 8, and every fucking time I come inside, I either have a nerf gun pointed to my face, or a fucking full on flip knife, it's fucking dangerous, I wake up first the in the morning disoriented with low blood sugar, you think I want to walk down a hall way than randomly have a knife pulled to my fucking face by a 8 year old, fuck that's how accidents happen, when you give a toddler a gun, there probably gonna either shot themselves or someone with a gun, why the fuck would you give a knife to a 8 year old, better yet, the other day I had to take a knife off my one year old brother who mind you was holding it by the fucking blade. (luckly that one was blunt) just leaves them around, same goes with power tools.

one day, I'll fucking neck myself and do it properly. my mother already fucking put me in debt for crying out loud, how fucked over did i get.

my dad has been a cunt ever since he got bipolar, he even now has a fucking lock pick set, so he can practically go in my room whenever he fucking feels like it, grr.
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Comments

  1. KimbaWolfNagihiko's Avatar
    Here's a list of suicide prevention hotlines by country: http://www.suicide.org/international...-hotlines.html

    If you truly feel this way, it's in your best interest to go to the nearest emergency room. Even if they don't have an inpatient psychiatric ward, they should at least be able to point you in the right direction.
  2. swimbutterfly22's Avatar
    Yes you should definately talk with a professional about it. Don't wait just go. Sounds like you're an urgent case.

    For now just pull the knife out of the hands of the little kids and throw it far. The little turd will know better next time. Same for the nerf gun.

    And for your other problems. Don't forget that it's all temporary. All of it. One day you will get a job and move out. You'll be standing on your own feet one day. You can see the world, visit exotic places. Your destiny lies in your own hands my friends. Also to turn in for the better.
  3. Starrunner's Avatar
    The Adisc hotline article lists some additional resources both in the post and subsequent replies. It also includes a number of websites if you prefer to speak to a trained counsellor online.

    https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthre...ion-Help-Lines

    I really feel that by posting about your pain here, it is a sign that you want to live. I strongly encourage you to reach out to someone in real life immediately. Do it in whatever way makes you feel most comfortable, whether it's talking to someone you can confide in, calling a helpline, contacting an online resource, or if the risk is immediate, then please get yourself to a hospital. Whatever you decide to do to get help, please do it now.

    As a survivor of suicide, I can tell you that it will be worth the effort. Suicide can be related to situational circumstances, physiological symptoms or combination of factors. Whatever the reason, it is an illness which is causing you to feel this way and it requires treatment. Please take some action because we want you to stay with us. It's never too late to get help.
    Updated 15-Jan-2017 at 00:43 by Starrunner
  4. Maxx's Avatar
    I don't agree with Starrunner on much, but he means well and he's right on this sort of thing. For me, I always have a lottery ticket on hand for a big jackpot a few days in the future. Odds are slim of course, but I can't possibly check out before they draw the numbers. Stick around. You never know.
  5. Marka's Avatar
    Binary

    [deleted reference to a deleted post]

    Follow the links as given above by KimbaStarshine and, Starrunner

    ... there are some with online live-chat feature to try... especially if you don't feel like using the phone...

    I'm not well of late yet, we're here... get in touch with those services... now!
    -Marka
    Updated 15-Jan-2017 at 13:51 by Marka ([deleted reference to a deleted post])
  6. LittleJess's Avatar
    I'm fine now, sorry about that, I just need to think clearly.

    - Hugs.
  7. Starrunner's Avatar
    There's absolutely nothing to be sorry about, we're glad you're okay. It can be difficult to think clearly when you are overwhelmed with such terrible thoughts.My concern,, however, is that you are not really 'fine.' Intense feelings of suicide do not simply come and go unless there is a reason for them. I understand there is a lot going on in your life, but if you simply ignore these feelings, the likelihood is that they will inevitably return. I've always said that the time to plan for bouts of depression is during the time you are not suffering as badly from the symptoms.

    I urge you to please look over the resources provided in the posts above and reach out for help now before things get worse.
  8. AnimeDude892's Avatar
    If you feel that abused, then maybe you should call the police on your father, that will teach him a lesson.
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