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Grumbling, thinking positive, and reflecting on life

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Eh. Another blog post reflecting on stress, life, and the state of things, that I don't feel needs a whole thread dedicated to it. So here's another blog post.

I will admit that I have not been in the best of places or moods these past months. Yes, I can point to recent good times and fun nights, though it's felt more like a bubble of escape from blugh.

I know that it's become a cliche on the internet that 2016 has been the worst year ever, and...yeah. With 2016 being the year of depression, death in family, computer problems that were not cheap to fix, shitty job prospects, and the disastrous political mayhem around the world, I have no problem declaring 2016 the worst year ever.

But while ranting and grumbling about the many things going wrong is easy, it's not doing any good. And then I've been trying to think what's been positive.

I know amidst the crap from this year, it's easy to overlook the stuff I have done over the past years and remember that other people, including friends, have admitted to being envious of certain experiences I've had. If I isolated all the highlights from my life and all the cool things I've done, it'd be no wonder others would see that and think "You did all that? You lucky bastard!". But when stuck in a trainwreck of a year, you tend to either overlook that, or view it as part of a past you're clawing to get back to.

But particularly when on ADISC, you read the experiences that other people go through, and it makes you feel lucky and grateful for stuff I would've never thought twice about otherwise. Hearing story after story after story of people the site who are either currently dealing with terrible parents, or had to deal with them in the past, really makes me grateful that my family is loving, supporting, basically what family is supposed to be.

This is something I've really only come to appreciate recently. Yeah, I always knew that to be true. But whenever someone said "Be grateful and think of the starving children in Africa", I got annoyed, occasionally mad, because I felt that they were just trying to invalidate whatever my problem was by saying "X is not an issue. These kids are getting bombed in Pakistan. They have real problems. So stop complaining about X". But after reading actual stories from actual people on this site about situations they've lived through, it really makes you appreciate my family for several different reasons.

If I try and imagine myself in the living situation I read that many people on the site are in, my life would be in shambles. I think about all the cards I've been dealt, and by far, the most helpful to me would be a good family and support system. Yes, I can think of other positive cards I've been dealt, but I can safely say that if it wasn't for that card, my flaws and problems would be magnified and yeah. I'd be screwed. I imagine I'd be far worse off if I didn't have a family that could get me access to a therapist for when I was depressed (that was way worse than the blugh of now), if my family didn't give me any privacy whatsoever, invaded my space and computer and discovered I was an ABDL, I imagine I would still have the horrible low self esteem about it I had during my teenage years. And if my family didn't give me the therapy I brush under the rug from way way back, I have no idea who I'd be now or what my life would be like, but I don't think it'd be good.

So when I hear the complaints of shitty abusive parents people here are dealing with or dealt with, I think that the problems getting to me can't be serious enough to feel the way I feel about them.

I don't want to lie to myself and say that life is swell and everything is just peachy. 2016 was still the worst year ever, and every bad thing I listed that happened about the year is still true. But at the same time, I don't want to ignore the good parts that I'll admit that I tend to overlook because things feel too sucky to think about the things I have that others don't have, including stuff that most take for granted. Just some rambling thoughts about life, 2016 (Please end now), being grateful, and getting through more blugh. Hey, look on the bright side. Tomorrow is Christmas. Another fun bubble that's an escape from blugh. That should be good.

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