Interesting couple of nights
by, 30-Oct-2016 at 02:49 (144 Views)
The other night I slept with my old stuffed bunny "Mr. Bunny" for the first time in at least 13 years. I was given Mr. Bunny shortly after my birth in 1995. There's a picture of me holding him in my crib when I was just a few months old. In that picture Mr. Bunny is almost as big as me. The other thing that sticks out in that picture is the sort of big disposable diaper I'm wearing with large tabs and a waist panel with babyish designs.
Now it's 2016 and I have never gotten rid of Mr. Bunny because he's that important to me. However, ever since I decided to stop sleeping with him when I was probably seven and a half, Mr. Bunny was sitting in my room unused for over a decade, and I barely even noticed he was there. That changed this month when I felt another one of my urges to wear some diapers due to the stresses of young adult life. However, this time I was especially overwhelmed because of things like the election. I wanted to escape to a simpler and less worrisome time in my life. I decided Mr. Bunny could help. After all, he helped me through lots of things when I was younger.
I like to think that I have a Calvin and Hobbes-type relationship with Mr. Bunny. When I'm alone with him he's this actual bunny character who can talk and everything, just like in all those old Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. But other people just see Mr. Bunny as a lifeless object. They would see me talking to Mr. Bunny and think I'm talking to myself or an inanimate object and think I'm crazy. Which in a way is true - Mr. Bunny's persona only exists in my imagination; I realize I'm not actually talking to a real living rabbit. His "voice" in real life is just a voice in my head. But in my imagination he is a living, breathing creature who understands and listens to me.
So it's Wednesday night and I get home from a 4-10PM shift at work. I decided to drink a couple of beers, because despite alcohol going against adult baby themes, I drank it with the intent of getting a more pleasurable diaper wetting and to help me fall asleep a little easier. I consumed my drinks faster than I really should have, but I wasn't too concerned about the potential consequences. So then I took out a Goodnite from my closet stash, inserted a Walgreens boys' training pant as a stuffer and put on the combined garment. I almost put my sweatpants on over my diapers, but then I decided that they didn't need to be covered up.
I then walked over to my desk and picked up Mr. Bunny. "Oh Mr. Bunny! I missed you so much! I'm going to take you to bed with me just like old times!" Mr. Bunny remembers every one of those old times. He remembers every single moment of the 21 years he's watched over me. Even during those thirteen and a half years that I thought I had given him up, Mr. Bunny always kept an eye on me while he was sitting in my room. It's like that song by The Police, "Every Breath You Take", where Sting insists that "I'll be watching you." Even though that song's lyrics are in a darker context than my relationship with Mr. Bunny, I still think of that song as a good comparison.
I could hear Mr. Bunny speaking in my head. "I missed you too! But I've never forgotten about you. I'm so proud of the young man you've become. And it looks like you're ready for bed with your diaper and training pant stuffer."
Faking embarrassment as part of this roleplay, I put my hands over my diaper. "Well, now I'm embarrassed. You told me you're proud that I'm all grown up and then you pointed out my diapers. I suppose now you're disappointed in me because I should be using the toilet at my age."
"You know something? You don't have to be an actual baby to wear diapers. And you know what else? What was disappointing for me was when you gave up diapers back when you were three and a half at your parents' command. I was so happy for you at first back then for standing up to them and refusing to let go of your diapers. You made a promise never to use the potty! Then they told you something like nobody goes to kindergarten in a diaper, and you foolishly listened to them! You should have kept your promise and made sure they sent you off to kindergarten in that diaper! And remember those couple of times you wet your pants in preschool, and when you were almost seven years old? And the fact that you occasionally wet your bed until you were about eight? Imagine if you had been wearing a diaper all those times! You would have been a lot happier and more comfortable!"
"You're right, Mr. Bunny! But I can't change the past. I have to live in the present, and it's a good thing my present has reunited me with both you and those diapers! Now let's get to bed."
I got to sleep and a few hours later I woke up. It was about 1:30 AM and I really had to pee. I guess my alcohol buzz made me want to start "talking" to Mr. Bunny again. "I have to go potty."
"Just use your Goodnite stuffer."
So I let go and when I was finished wetting the Goodnite wasn't wet at all, only the training pant stuffer was. I removed the wet training pant, clutched Mr. Bunny and drifted back to sleep.
I woke up again a little after 3 AM and had to pee again. This time I automatically let go. "Such a good boy using your diaper for its purpose," I heard Mr. Bunny tell me in my head.
That's when I decided to confess to him about the beer. "Mr. Bunny? The reason I'm wetting so much tonight is because I drank a beverage called beer which only grown-ups are allowed to have. And now you're probably upset that I drank it. I only drank it to see how much my diapers could handle tonight."
"I'm not upset. You're allowed to drink that now, so it doesn't bother me. And your diapers have been holding up well tonight."
I decided to change into a fresh Goodnite before going back to sleep. I felt like I was starting to get a hangover, so I clutched Mr. Bunny again and went back to sleep.
Then I woke up around 7:15 AM and had a pretty bad headache and also felt a bit nauseous. I was hung over, alright. So I told Mr. Bunny, "I need you to stay with me until I feel better. Sometimes alcohol makes you feel yucky like this." I think Mr. Bunny understood. He let me hold him until my headache was gone.
"Until next time, Mr. Bunny," I said before placing him back on my desk. Mr. Bunny was now a lifeless stuffed animal again, and I was back to real life. I thought for a few minutes about what had taken place with me and Mr. Bunny last night. I wondered if the alcohol had anything to do with my "dialogue" with him, but most likely it was just my superb imagination. Now that I was back to being a normal 21-year-old for the time being I went about my day.
Thursday night, I brought Mr. Bunny back to life and put on that night's Goodnite. "Time for bed, Mr. Bunny!"
"I just saw you put on your sweatpants," he responded. "I think you can do without them tonight. I saw you with your diapers uncovered many times back when you were an actual baby. Don't be afraid to let me see you like that just because you're 21 years old now."
"Okay then." I removed my sweatpants and hopped into my bed with Mr. Bunny.
After drifting off to sleep, I woke up just before 2AM. This time I didn't have to pee. The cause this time was a sort of hard rain that was falling outside. I guess I decided to pretend to be scared of this downpour, even though in real life I love the sound of heavy rain. And now it's time for me to explain another thing about my past life. I had a speech impediment that didn't completely go away until I was almost 13. Specifically, my Rs would sound like Ws and I struggled with it for years. And even today, I'm still occasionally prone to slipping back into it. So me being half-asleep and in adult little mode, I found myself slipping into that speech impediment as if I was three years old again. Pretending to be scared of the rain, I held Mr. Bunny tight and said "Mr. Bunny..." except it sounded like "Mistew Bunny..." I guess I wanted to say "I'm scared right now" but I didn't, because I wasn't actually scared, and also I was just too tired. Fortunately I realized I might have been going a bit too far with my act, and got back to sleep.
And then Friday morning, my Goodnite now wet, I put Mr. Bunny back on the desk. I think he helped me a lot over our two-night reunion. And I'm not done with him yet. I think I'll keep sleeping with him as long as I think I need him, just like those good old times.