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Second Childhood

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Recently I read a blog or thread about old age being a second chance at experiencing your own childhood years, well I was intrigued about it because I am already regressing to something like that and I am only 36 years young, you see my first experience of childhood was too short and yes by all accounts I was a happy baby I didn't really get to enjoy it because of bullying and other factors.

Nowadays as a adult who has been given the opportunity/chance to relive or even go through it all again minus the birth thing of cause I know that becoming a baby/toddler again is going to be a great chance to wipe the slate clean and start again with my life so to speak from next year when I go into part-time care as a patient or customer of a charity called Mencap who deel with people who have disabilities and this should be a good chance to get back some of my missing childhood years if I become diaper cladd for the rest of my years on earth, I don't want to be babied so to speak nessisarally but if that were to happen then I wouldn't say no.

I have disabilities in the form of permnant neurological damage to the nerves controlling my bladder from past epilepsy that thankfully I don't suffer from anymore and also I am highly autistic and have other issues with my mental wellbeing although this is covered in another blog so I won't repeat what I already have said as for the whole disposable vs reusable diaper debate I couldn't really care as long as I am wearing diapers of some kind although I am allergic to certain fabrics and laytex at this present time I am wearing disposable diapers as they are more practical and convenient for me to wear I'll cover the whole issue though in another blog at a later time.

Anyway if I was to sum up my whole life up-to now I would say its been part joy and alot of pain but isn't that what everyone's experience of life is the pain comes from years of bullying as in being a victim of it or being physically abused and verbally abused fortunately not asexually though it was as bad as that as well as loosing my beloved soulmate in 2006 of old age and yes she was a dog if you ask she was called freeway and was my constant companion and therapist of sorts although I only saddly knew her for the last five years of her life something I regret and I still hold alot of guilt over that even though it was beyond my control.

And also pain from loosing two friends last year to cancer and witnessing a death on a roadside following a serious road traffic collision between a pedestrian and a drunk driver which happened right in front of my eyes and left me with yet more PTSD.

Although it hasn't all been about pain its also been about joys and self for-fillment as I have achieved alot of milestones in terms of finding a place of my own which I move into next year and also finding a job which I start next year after my brief stay in hospital for a operation that will involve major reconstructive surgery on my feet to fix a problem that I was born with although having said all that I still wont ever be able to walk properly because my bones are twisted permanently but all I can do is learn to adapt because having disabilities isn't all that bad because it makes me more unique or special and that's something I have to be greatfull of even though its also a curse of sorts.

These are my own thoughts and summery of my life thas far, and whilst I hope that you're enjoyed reading about it please don't ever judge me because of who I am because I don't like unfair criticism or worse not that I am accusing anyone of that, its just ai have learned to be warry of strangers on-line as specially since last year I got alot of internet bullying and trolling from people who pretended to be my friends but were actually all out to hurt me and to cause me more emotional pain which naturally I can do without as I am a mess anyway you cut it so to speak.

Anyway must go now so it's good bie for now from me.

Yours sincerely


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