Life update or whatever.
by, 05-Jul-2016 at 20:52 (256 Views)
I've taken a break from schooling, I've decided to take a gap year, focus on searching for jobs, get better mentally and focus on my mental health mostly.
It's more of a "spiritual approach", I'm soul seeking to find my ultimate purpose. Jokes aside I've got no clue what I'm doing with my life, I don't know my purpose. I'm going to focus mostly on improving on my programming skills and making YouTube videos.
I feel more of a business type of person, I like to create change, innovate and come up with new ideas, I really don't want to follow orders all my life, I want to be the guy who gives the orders.
I feel like a major part that drives my depression, is that I can't put my ideas to use, when I'm not creative I tend to "dive" right into the pond.
Right now, even though yes I'm suicidal still, but to me it just seems pointless to do so, things change, I have little hope, but maybe that drives me to do things.
Maybe because I understand so much, I feel like I know so little.... hmm..... at the same time I really don't know anything, and most people don't either, people just have confidence. I lack that because I can see every possible problem that can go wrong.. darn
I've noticed when I put my mind to something, I can do anything, I keep telling myself I can't do jack shit, yet when I put my mind to it, I'm writing complex websites, or open source software.
I suppose shit happens, doubt it a illusion I have to overcome or whatever, hopefully when I get around to seeing a doctor, I should be able to have more motivation.