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Shybug

Life update or whatever.

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I've taken a break from schooling, I've decided to take a gap year, focus on searching for jobs, get better mentally and focus on my mental health mostly.

It's more of a "spiritual approach", I'm soul seeking to find my ultimate purpose. Jokes aside I've got no clue what I'm doing with my life, I don't know my purpose. I'm going to focus mostly on improving on my programming skills and making YouTube videos.

I feel more of a business type of person, I like to create change, innovate and come up with new ideas, I really don't want to follow orders all my life, I want to be the guy who gives the orders.

I feel like a major part that drives my depression, is that I can't put my ideas to use, when I'm not creative I tend to "dive" right into the pond.

Right now, even though yes I'm suicidal still, but to me it just seems pointless to do so, things change, I have little hope, but maybe that drives me to do things.

Maybe because I understand so much, I feel like I know so little.... hmm..... at the same time I really don't know anything, and most people don't either, people just have confidence. I lack that because I can see every possible problem that can go wrong.. darn
I've noticed when I put my mind to something, I can do anything, I keep telling myself I can't do jack shit, yet when I put my mind to it, I'm writing complex websites, or open source software.

I suppose shit happens, doubt it a illusion I have to overcome or whatever, hopefully when I get around to seeing a doctor, I should be able to have more motivation.
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Comments

  1. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    I'm glad you're making some decisions for your mental health. It's super important. I've done the same in the past.

    Take as much time as you need, everything else will still be there once you want to come back.
  2. Shybug's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by gigglemuffinz
    I'm glad you're making some decisions for your mental health. It's super important. I've done the same in the past.

    Take as much time as you need, everything else will still be there once you want to come back.
    Thank you
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