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Brain mosquitos just became vampires (see brain mosquito blog)

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What was once something I could fight off and be perfectly fine, has become a more vicious beast. What I feared would happen when my fiancee and I broke up, has officially happened. I was comfortably numb to the pain I had ignored for so many years. I thought I was stronger than this but I am not and my coping methods have not kept up with my pain. I will have a lot to discuss with my therapist that is for sure. I know not a lot of people read these, that was the point of making a blog and not a post. I am beginning to be fed up with my constant need to vent and express my feelings to others. Some would say it's pride not asking for help.... believe me I wish I had any pride. I am proud of nothing and ashamed of my sad excuse for a life. I thought I had finally gotten that positive tone back, that nature that was helpful, and that I had returned to a better state of mind. I am told that it is not good to make any permenent decisions based on temporary feelings, so far I have not. I would hate to get back to the point where suicide was no longer a thought but an action. I know people have it worse.... but clearly what I have going on is not good. I am a damaged person.... but at least a small part of me clings to self worth. I just want to escape all of the pain that keeps on coming and getting worse day by day. I need relief and I honestly don't know what to do.

Updated 13-May-2016 at 08:46 by Premetheus


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