by, 23-Mar-2016 at 07:15 (115 Views)
So, this has been a long month....I'm barely starting to realize how long. My husband hasn't had work in months because the company he works for hasn't had any contracts. The little jobs here and there don't even help because the entire paycheck is taken to pay for insurance. Cable has been shut off, we are months behind on bills, and it's just overall very stressful. My dads father recently passed away, so he had to come to sort things out. He never had a relationship with his dad so he believed his half brother when he said there was no will and nothing left to him. Long story short his brother tricked him into signing over everything to him. So now we're dealing with so many lawyers and legal things trying to get back what is rightfully my dads, since it turns out his dad left the estate to him.
My bipolar has gotten worse, leading to extended bouts of depression and mania, which leads to anger issues. I was also having trouble controlling my ABDL side, which I had still been trying to suppress. The thoughts were uncontrollable and there at all times, even in my sleep. It wasn't until the anxiety got so bad that I finally admitted my thoughts to my husband, which was when I could finally accept that part of myself. The last few days I've been binging with diapers, until I ran out today. I am also struggling with my little side.
I have accepted my little side, but I feel I can't fully embrace it. I haven't been comfortable enough to tell my husband about being a little. I can do little things like color, wear diapers, and other little things, but it doesn't feel complete. I want to be babied, I want him to take care of me, I want him to treat me as a little, I want a caregiver/little relationship. I'm just too nervous to tell him. I don't even know how I would explain it. I just wish I could discuss it with him.