by, 06-Mar-2016 at 00:05 (225 Views)
I'm almost done accepting my sexuality and gender, but have this small problem, and I'm trying to understand, why I haven't noticed all this time.
It started off with me cross dressing, and I found that rather sexual, I felt at peace knowing that something was wrong, I've always been jealous of other girls, and have always had a feeling that I have been female but it only "sprouted" throughout puberty, I thought I was asexual, than I decided that If I'm sexually attracted to cross dressing because I'm female. Maybe I'm sexually attracted to men, so I decided to check out some videos. I've also only ever had close friends who were female, and I found that rather interesting that I wasn't ever sexually attracted to females considering I've always been around them.
I guess this was the turning point in realizing I was gay, but never thought anything from it, when I was 17 I kind of noticed my feelings towards men grew quite strong, and kind of felt guilty about it, the more I cross dressed the more I realized how gay I was, and my sexual thoughts towards men kind of grew even more.
Another turning point was when a straight friend, jokingly touched my butt, I never admitted it was sexual for me, but I really enjoyed it
Ever since that turning point, I've been very sexually attracted to men, to the point I fantasize about them and really wanting a boyfriend, I've also become more female in private, cross dressing way more than usual, growing my hair out long and becoming peace with my true gender.
I've also had dreams and fantasizes about me having female parts, or being completely female, which does really make me happy, as my brain is kind of accepting me already.
Is this a result of finally accepting my sexuality, or does sexuality
"grow" overtime for some people? I found this rather interesting because just a year ago, I didn't feel like I was going to be this sexually attracted to men