Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#283
by, 02-Mar-2016 at 02:41 (41 Views)
I admit to feeling sad this evening.
I go for a while feeling emotionally good, then I crash down into very sad feelings.
The reason is not any of my problems, but worry about my younger brother and his problems.
I can not say what they are, but they are bothering me a great deal this evening.
I did take a nap from 4:00 PM to 6:30 PM.
I needed my dolly friends, "Emily" and "Pam" to comfort me.
As an Autistic person I do constantly feel that "something very bad is going to happen".
I have lived with constant "Prey Animal Anxiety" all my life since early childhood.
I can not trust anyone in the outside world.
I see the rest of the human species as dishonest, depraved, and evil.
Outside of this house, I do not feel safe anywhere.
But, I do go out into the world.
I have to.
But I am always looking over my shoulder, scanning for danger.
It affects where I go.
I feel that I have no right whatsoever to go anywhere I want, whenever I want.
It is a fact that at this time in history, I live in a total surveillance police state.
Even though I do nothing wrong anywhere in the outside world, I do know that there are others watching and recording everywhere I go and whatever I do and who I interact with.
Even everything I do online is being recorded by the government to use against me.
The way it is, is that everyone is "guilty" of something and has to be punished.
Anyway, I apologize for my thoughts and feelings this evening.