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It's been a long journey

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As some of you may know, I'm new to ADISC and new to nappies/diapers - at least this time round - having bought my first pack only about five weeks ago.

But I have been a 'DL' for just about as long as I can remember. I was a bed-wetter for a long time, I guess until I was around 8 or 9, I can't remember exactly when. But I do remember mum putting me into nappies and plastic pants quite clearly. I also remember being wet most mornings, and being quite frightened as sometimes mum would be mad at me.

I also had issues during the day, and I remember at first school being frightened of the toilets at school and 'holding on', and this resulted in wet pants on the way home on more than one occasion. Mum would be furious, and this made me even more anxious at times.

Eventually, life became dry, but somewhere along the way I developed a fascination for wetting. At a young age at school, if anybody mentioned that someone had 'wet themselves' I would find this incredibly exciting.

This was all about the same time as the Apollo moon landings, and, being a bit of a geek I was into the space program in a big way. I watched every mission, glued to the TV coverage and even now I can still remember most of the crews and the spacecraft lunar and service module names. But the most exciting evening was when the UK presenter James Burke did a piece about the astronaut's space suites. He 'stripped off' to camera, explaining what every item of clothing and equipment was for. Eventually he came to the subject of 'how do they go to the bathroom?' For peeing, they used a permanently connected tube connected to a suction/vacuum device. But, to have a poo, they wore diapers. I was absolutely mesmerised! I just couldn't get the whole thing out of my head

After this I fantasised about occasions where adults may have to wear diapers. I found the whole concept of wetting and diapers unbelievably exciting, but I would always feel disgusted with myself for having these thoughts. I know it's a cliche, but I REALLY DID think I was the only person to think this way.

Disposable nappies for babies had now arrived on the market, and when I first saw some I just wished that they would make them for adults.

Relationships came and went, but the feelings and interest in nappies remained. By now time had moved on, it was still just pre-Internet, but for me a momentous discovery was just around the corner.

Channel 4 TV in the UK ran a six part series of documentaries entitled 'Sex Talk'. It took a look at all the various aspects of sex, including gay relationships, bondage, and other 'strange activities'. Then, on about the third or fourth episode they featured Adult Babbies. I was mildly curious and interested as they showed various people in bonnets, bibs and booties, but it wasn't really for me until, suddenly they showed adults in nappies/diapers. Even now, this was one of the biggest shocks of my life.

For days I couldn't sleep or even think properly. I just had to find out more. With no internet, I had to resort to finding books. I plucked up the courage to look in some the 'top shelf' publications and found a journal called Forum. In here there were all sorts of strange advertisements, but I found what I was looking for, a company advertising their catalogue of Adult Baby goods. After hesitating for about a week, I sent off a letter asking for a catalogue, but I explained that I was primarily interested in adult diapers. I was shaking with excitement when it arrived, but this soon turned to relative disappointment when I opened it. Yes, it contained lots of AB clothing, but not much in the way of nappies.

My excitement declined over the next few months, and gradually I kind of accepted that I was really, really strange - I wasn't even a proper adult baby, just some strange guy who wanted to be in diapers!

By the mid nineties, the Internet had arrived. Working late one night, and waiting to print something out, the whole adult diaper thing suddenly came into my head from nowhere. I entered something like 'men wearing nappies' into the search engine, and very slowly (this is pre high speed fibre broadband, we had modems in those days), but slowly some results were found. A couple of clicks and what felt like an eternity later, and I saw my first picture of a guy wearing nothing but an adult disposable diaper and T-shirt. Wow!

For the next few years, my excitement for adult diapers has come and gone, but the feeling of longing to be in nappies has remained.

I have found that my need to think about diapers always coincides with very busy periods of pressure at work.

Fast forward now to last Autumn.

Although I am generally extremely healthy, and enjoy long-distance running, competing in many events, I am also asthmatic. This condition rarely causes me any problems, In fact most of the time nobody would know that I suffer with asthma. But last September, I had an unexpected and severe attack and nearly lost my life.

This made me think you have to do the things you want to while you can.

I still struggled with the concept of wearing nappies, but about five weeks ago while I was in a very large store nearby late one evening buying groceries, I took a walk down the aisle with the adult diapers. I stopped, picked up a packet of Tena Maxi Slips and studied the instructions for putting them on. My head was spinning and I felt light-headed and sick. I panicked and put the pack back on the shelf.

As soon as I got back to the car I thought to myself 'you can do this'. I walked purposefully back into the store, walked up to the pack of Tenas and took them to the self-service check-out. This went wrong, but that's another story, but the experience helped to boost my confidence.

I have been wearing and wetting on a few occasions over the last few weeks and the Tenas were everything I hoped for.

However, whenever I have looked at guys online in diapers, I have always liked the look of Abena M4s, so I plucked-up the courage to buy some from Amazon, together with some plastic pants. A few evenings ago, I wore an M4 with plastic pants to bed, keeping them on all night and wet them when I needed to and felt completely comfortable in doing this.

I am beginning to realise that I need diapers, not in a physiological way - I would never wish to be incontinent, but I do actually NEED nappies from a physocological perspective, they are giving me a contentment that I have longed for all of my life.

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