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Fear of death.

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Well my fear of death is probably one of those things that will prevent me from suicide.

Which is a good thing I guess, I've been feeling quite happy lately, been diapered more often, wet my pants a few times on purpose, feels good and relaxing.

I don't know why I fear death so much, maybe I just don't want to be nothingness forever.

On the bright side, I've accepted my sexuality. and I'm happy to be transgender.

People are ignorant, and arrogant. It's hard to ignore.

I've been having some crushes on some male celebrities

I'm a female who loves men, some people find that weird, but fuck the haters, I love men, and I have crushes on them.

I think my inner female who has been hiding behind a fake me who is pretending to be male, has been surfacing herself, I'm thinking on my 20th birthday buying myself some nice bras, and maybe a dress for myself, and some make up to fix up my male looks.

I wouldn't mind some cute pink nail polish, I don't know yet, I'm starting to like female clothes more, and I've been expressing my femininity more in private.

It's hard to keep a secret, I probs seem more female than male, I cross my legs, and act girly, but its not something that I do purposely and I've always been like that.

My penis bothers me a lot, and I've been fantasizing about having having a body that matches my gender, It would make me so happy to have female parts, I've been thinking about having a sex change for some time, but I'll have to wait.

Now I want to wear some bras, hehe

I'm feeling fine atm.

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