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Girly Thoughts.

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Well, I'm transgender, The more I think about it, the more I realize how transgender I am so to speak. It's odd.

I want to grab some cute dresses for me to wear with my nappy, and a cute training bra since I cannot wear normal bras, I'm thinking about tucking, but don't want to hurt down there.

In private I've been getting more girly, wearing girly clothes, listening to girly like music, it makes me feel so happy, I'm thinking about getting a sex change when I'm older and I can afford it.

To me, a part of me still feels like me being transgender is wrong, but another part is like what the fuck man, you should be dressing more girly, and wearing skinny jeans or a very tight skirt and your beautiful bras and being my true gender.

I often have dreams and fantasies where I'm the real me, wearing beautiful female clothes, without my male parts, and it makes me happy but sad at the same time, since I'm still physically male.

A part of me is still in disagreement with my physical body, I'm female, I feel female, but a part of me feels like I should be male because I have male parts and thats the way I should be, but I feel female and feel like I should have female parts.

I shouldn't of ignored this when I started cross dressing, cross dressing kind of made my true self spring out so to speak, I didn't even notice I was a girl until I started cross dressing, but there have always been doubts, I've always seemed more girly, and all my good friends have been female, females are the only type I can feel I can relate to, so it was kind of odd growing up with girls around me instead of men.

I'm sure I've always been female, but I've never caught onto it, since I'm female and thats what is normal, I've always found my male parts a bit odd, but wasn't really annoyed about them until this moment which would of been 15.

I really want to ignore it, I've noticed I was transgender when I was 15, ever since that moment, my life has gone downhill. I've been trying to ignore it, but it always comes back, I can't help that I'm so confused.

I've always thought I was asexual, at the age of 17-18 I realized I was sexually attracted to men, this was when I understood myself as female, I realized I liked men, and find them sexually attractive, the more I understood the more I realized I'm a straight female;.

When I was 17 I grew my hair very long, and I would go home, wear a dress and just lay in bed, It was the most amazing experience ever, I felt like me, I always see myself as female, but I still say I'm male and try act male even though It's a lie and I'm a female.. argh.

Fuck this has been a rollercoster, much love <3

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