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Shybug

Dammit :/

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I'm suicidal again, I'm probs going to need medication for it.

I feel fatigue all the time, have low esteem, sometimes hallucinations and cannot think clearly.

Thankfully, whenever I'm suicidal I keep away from knifes and objects that could harm me, as a protective mechanism .

The problem with me is that suicidal thoughts are irrational, and all I want to do is escape from my deep sadness that I hide, deep down I don't want to die, but it would solve my deep sadness and lack of motivation.

Thankfully soon I'll get the help I need, Small things like one bad thing happening shouldn't make me feel like everyone hates me, and shouldn't make me suicidal for the entire day.

This lack of emotion and numbness and constant boring, is really hurting me, I have fuck all motivation, I just want to sleep and cry, but I can't, nothing comes out.

Panic attacks bring on my suicidal thoughts, as well as seeing very stupid people post things on Facebook, no clue why. It fucking irritates me how retarded some people get and makes me lose hope in humanity.

The shit I see stupid people say makes me extremely suicidal, considering most people don't already understand me, makes me loose hope that anyone would all together. I've heard stupid shit like ASD being a mental illness, and all should be locked up, homosexuality being a choice, "disabilities" are a result of bad parenting.

If some people are that stupid, and than there is no way anyone can understand me, people already underestimate my intelligence and take things out of extreme context and somehow use that against me.

Even the flat earthers people trigger it, I don't know why this is, a part of me hates stupidity, and feeling like everyone is stupid, makes me loose hope, why bother getting treated if no one will understand you.

Of course not everyone is stupid, but a lot of people are, and depression really drags you to a void, dark place, and there is no escaping from there, and I Don't even think medication would help, as I'm broken too much.

Okay I feel better now getting it off my chest.
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Comments

  1. Shybug's Avatar
    I feel tons better now, sorry about that.

    Getting things off my chest, helps me.
  2. daLira's Avatar
    It's good to hear that you've already been feeling better by writing it down and so getting this of your chest. I hope it does persist so far?
    Eitherway, that's what blogs are for I think partially. Having some kind of self reflection... writing about certain things and ultimately being done with it (similar to how a diary works).



    Thankfully soon I'll get the help I need
    I guess you mean a therapist? Especially since you mentioned your medication.
    This would surely be the wisest choice, also telling him/her about it, if you feel like there is a level of trust. Seeking counselling/advice is never wrong. :)
  3. Shybug's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by daLira
    It's good to hear that you've already been feeling better by writing it down and so getting this of your chest. I hope it does persist so far?
    Eitherway, that's what blogs are for I think partially. Having some kind of self reflection... writing about certain things and ultimately being done with it (similar to how a diary works).


    I guess you mean a therapist? Especially since you mentioned your medication.
    This would surely be the wisest choice, also telling him/her about it, if you feel like there is a level of trust. Seeking counselling/advice is never wrong.

    Yeah, I'm seeing a therapist this year, my depression has gotten to the point where anything will trigger my suicidal thoughts, this blog post was mostly referring how I felt today, but not every other day, my depression is quite complicated and things like flash backs of some of the trauma I've been though will trigger it.

    Thanks.

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