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BayB8

Finding Myself in ABDL: Emerging into the ABDL Lifestyle

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For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to wear diapers. I loved the way it felt on my skin, soft, warm, and comfortable. I was very young and I never understood on attraction to them. I was young so I had to steal them from family and friends who had little kid who had babies. A few times I even stole from the preschool bathroom. When I would pun on a diaper, I just felt happy, I felt secure. Through the years, my urges and desires for this came and went. After I would wear a diaper I would use it then usually end up masturbating after (Once I was old enough to really know what that was). It was a turn on for me I guess. Although it was often that, when I put on a diaper I would get aroused, but I really didn't want to. I just couldn't figure out how to get rid of it. But if I masturbated the urge to wear a diaper would become null until a day or two later. This went on for many years.

I am 23 now, I just moved out of my parents house and into an apartment with my girlfriend. A really nice, but very expensive place. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years come January 15th and love her to death. There have been a few times that I have briefly mentions my liking/desires for diapers, but I never really told how I feel and how serious I was. When we moved in together this past October, my urges to wear again were very strong, but how could I. I never told her of the time last winter when I went an bought some diapers and wore them at my own home. I had to wear them in secrete. I hid them from my parents and from her. I didn't want anyone to know. I thought that when we moved in together that maybe this is the end and I will finally be able to get over this. That was not the case.

I recently started to have the urge to wear diapers again, but this time is came on a lot stronger than before. I still didn't have a good understanding of what was happening to me. So that's when I took to the internet and found you guys. This community has helped me really learn about the ABDL lifestyle and where these urges come from. As I read the articles and posts, I could start to see myself in a lot of the other members. Things that they said, did, or wanted. I read an article about Understanding Infantilism and it really explained and helped me understand a lot. It helped me realize this is not something that is wont with me even though society might think it is. This is something that really goes away; it subsided, but always returns. This is the point where I decided to stop trying to get rid of this urge I had, but to embrace it.

I'm am starting this blog series in hopes that I am able to work out my thoughts and feelings about all of this. I am struggling right now to figure out where I belong in this ABDL Lifestyle. Not like, "Am I accepted, I don't belong here", but my thoughts about it have changed and are always changing as I read and ask questions. What I want and what I wanted, are they still the same? Am I just a Diaper Lover or am I more like an Adult Baby? These are the things I am trying to work through. I have discussed this lifestyle with my girlfriend and she too is working it through. Trying to figure out what she is or isn't okay with. But that being said, before she can figure that out, I need to figure me. With these future blog posts I'm hoping that I am able to find myself with your guy's help.

Thanks for Reading and Talk to you all soon,
BayB8

Comments

  1. silentdreamer1996's Avatar
    Spoken like a man looking into my soul. Where do we fit into the puzzle? The border? The inner segment? Or to an entirely different puzzle?
  2. BayB8's Avatar
    Yeah, pretty much. I read the Infantilism article that was posted in the Articles section and they explained the difference of AB and DL. I'm trying to figure out where in there I fit. There are certain things that I like to do, but others that I wouldn't. Qualities of each Adult Baby and Diaper Lover that I have. I'm just trying to determine, am I more Adult Baby or Diaper Lover. Is there a middle ground? Can someone be both?

    I am working on my next post, starting to explain what I mean with specific aspects/qualities of each.
    Updated 14-Dec-2015 at 14:46 by BayB8 ("next post")
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