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Best thing to happen?

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Alright, I almost feel bad for saying this, but at the same time I don't. Since I defriended the girl that I was in the car accident with, I have felt amazing. Is it possible that she was the root cause of my depression? I always felt happier being around her, but at the same time looking back now, I'm not sure how true that was. Things changed after the accident.

Don't get me wrong, I am still very pissed off at her for suggesting suicide to me and now she is lying about it and saying I took what she said out of context. But I am certainly happier without her in my life.

I also don't want to admit it, but I have this bit of schadenfreude when I think about her. She told me she hates it where she currently lives, her step mom is verbally abusive and her father doesn't really care and all I can think is that as of right now she deserves anything she gets. I know this probably makes me a bad person for taking enjoyment in her suffering, but I don't feel bad for it. What she did to me was unforgivable.

To top it off, she called my Mom and told her that she thought I needed to move, that I wasn't happy in Colorado. Part of me thinks she is a little bit correct on that one. My depression does always get worse during the winter, maybe I need to move somewhere warm. But right now I have a good job, I get double time on Holidays and just a couple days ago they gave me a gift bag for having perfect attendance. They know how to treat their employees right I must say.

But to get back on topic, I feel that this girl is going to try to "mend" our relationship come RMFC next year, 8 months. I only get this feeling because she told me I would not hear from her again for a long time and that will be the next time that I know of that she will be in Colorado. As I have said, I will not forgive her and I will not be her friend again. She cannot admit her faults and fess up to what she said to me, I don't need that shit in my life.

Oh, well. Currently I have the next two days off, I am scheduling a time with a local fursuit maker to fix my bodysuit up before BLFC. I am cleaning my apartment, my bathroom, my closet, my floor, I've done laundry for the first time in 3 weeks and got it folded.

2016 is going to be a good year and I think I can rid myself of my depression if I can keep this up. You know how I know I'm getting better? I sing a long to my music! have not done that in a long ass fucking time. I am smiling and laughing again. God this feels good!


  1. Note's Avatar
    Good for you, FauxPas. Good luck with your fursuit and have fun at RMFC!
  2. Marka's Avatar
    People can be 'toxic'... we don't have to 'hate' them (because hate is toxic too, best not to) but, when we learn to protect and nurture ourselves... we not only rid ourselves of that 'toxicity', we also begin to counter 'toxins'.... we're far less likely to fall back into it and, we tend to bring healing to others as well...

    It just gets better... reversing the toxins and toxic people... (sun) (rainbow)

    you can have compassion and empathy Without being sucked back into it...

    when you have what you need from yourself... you won't be desparately seeking to sell yourself down the river, to get it from someone else...

    Forgiveness, is a very personal thing - I wouldn't think to tell you what you should or shouldn't do with that... I think that you'll know how to handle it, when the time is right... whenever that might be...

    my best to you,
    -Marka - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.