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kerry

gut-punched

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Hi,

I have been an infrequent visitor here recently. Perhaps I will continue to be for a time; I don't really know. Unfortunately, real life has a way of sneaking up and beating you senseless for no apparent reason and without any warning. That is what has been keeping me away and preoccupied. Earlier this month, with very little preamble, my mother passed away. She meant the world to me, and I'm not quite sure how to recover from her loss. I was able to be with her for two weeks before she died and at the time of her death; that meant something. And I guess it's a blessing that it was swift instead of a long, protracted deterioration. But I feel gut-punched.

The world will return to order. Life will go on. It has a way of doing that too. But I thought, while I am having a moment of clarity in both intellect and emotion, I'd let you all know why I haven't been around.

Kerry
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Comments

  1. caitianx's Avatar
    Condolences on the passing of your Mom.
    Did you have to come back here to New Hampshire to be with her?
  2. egor's Avatar
    So sorry to hear of your loss Kerry.
    I can relate having lost my dad when I was 17.
    Take all of the time that you need, but know that I am a PM away if you need someone to talk to.

    God bless

    Egor
  3. foxkits's Avatar
    Hug's sorry it hurts I know.
    My mom can go at any time I keep waiting for that call.
    Rest try to think of the good times if you can.
    If you need to vent we are here for you .
  4. Strawberry's Avatar
    sorry for your loss
  5. zipperless's Avatar
    I'm so sorry Kerry. I lost my mom years ago and I still feel the hurt at times. :hug:
  6. ArchieRoni's Avatar
    I'm so sorry for your loss, Kerry. I don't know if any words can help, but I always like to think that when someone has died, as long as we remember them, a part of them stays with us. I'm sure you've got many lessons big and small that your mom passed on to you, and I have no doubt that part of her will stay with you for all your remaining days.
  7. Marka's Avatar
    Kerry,

    As you might know now, blogs aren't appearing on the front page anymore... It took me until just now to remember to look for them...

    I lost my younger sister 40-days ago... it was not expected... I'm starting to come around again and, we each do this our own way and in our own time...

    That said, you have my condolences... and, my hopes to see you back in the saddle again too... in your time.

    These things have a way of sobering us in some respects and, annihilating us in other ways too...

    I'll add myself to the list of available listeners... should you find yourself reaching, you'll likely bump into one of us...

    All my best!
    -Marka
  8. kerry's Avatar
    Thanks to you all.

    The cancer diagnosis itself was unexpected; that it was in the final stage was a total shock. I went to NH to visit for a few days, expecting to return for Thanksgiving, but I never came home; it was clear she would not make the holiday. I'm a kind of zombie these days, always a moment away from a total breakdown. I'll get over it; I know people do. But I don't know how. Marka, I have no clue how you could handle a younger sister. I am a mess, but I'm trying to go about my daily routines in the hope that they can bring me back to something like normal...whatever that means.
  9. ozbub's Avatar
    Holy crap, Kerry. Sorry for your loss, and especially for the shock. Please look after yourself, and know that there are plenty of caring people here to help. Thanks for sharing your sad news, that must have been awfully tough
  10. Marka's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by kerry
    Thanks to you all.

    The cancer diagnosis itself was unexpected; that it was in the final stage was a total shock. I went to NH to visit for a few days, expecting to return for Thanksgiving, but I never came home; it was clear she would not make the holiday. I'm a kind of zombie these days, always a moment away from a total breakdown. I'll get over it; I know people do. But I don't know how. Marka, I have no clue how you could handle a younger sister. I am a mess, but I'm trying to go about my daily routines in the hope that they can bring me back to something like normal...whatever that means.
    kerry, I'm not sure that I am handling it proper... Basically, I'm a mess too (not so sloppy as I was but, still)...

    I played a sort of keep-away game in my head... I would start to try to grasp a hold of this so-called reality... it was a bit like deliberately touching your hand to a hot burner... pull back quickly and medicate intensely... (I'm not advocating my methods)...

    Approaching what was before... the usual routines, was somehow equally misfit and surreal; complicating matters, as I now started to question what my former reality was comprised of... The bubble had burst... My very existence had taken on alien attributes albeit, not for the first time...

    With life, comes death... with death, comes life... we know this on an intellectual level yet, the emotional-bearings are a different matter...

    Don't let it destroy you...

    With hugs,
    -Marka
  11. kerry's Avatar
    Today is the second anniversary of my 30-year-old son's 9-year spouse's death after a three year battle with brain cancer. Echo was gender fluid and a remarkably interesting person I regret not knowing well enough until the last two years of his life. Earlier that fall, my son's other ​two grandparents had died simultaneously in a CO1 accident in their home. And now this. As hard as this is for me, it just seems to be piling on for him.
  12. Marka's Avatar
    kerry,

    I hope that things are going better for you!

    -Marka
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