Seriously hurt, pissed and just a minute away from breaking
by, 22-Oct-2015 at 14:02 (613 Views)
Okay so one of my brothers is running mad (lets call him Bob for now), threatened to harm himself in a ... serious way. When my wife talked about this with my Mom, all she had to say was that if he really did it, she had to pay for his new kitchen furnishings since she was the one who made the contract for the installment payment. Which instantly reminded me of an incident of my own. Few years ago I had a car accident where my car rolled over three times. The car was totalled. When she told my brother about it, she said exactly that. Nothing about my health or something in that regard.
Seriously what in heavens fuck is going on in that maternal head?
If you're reading this: I love you. I don't understand you. That is pissing me off. It shouldn't be this way.
I feel guilty for making this something about me again.
I had some really bad weeks, panic attacks, anxiety, depression and oh did I mention depression? Contstantly thinking about my Mom and my dead father all the time. He died three years ago from spreading cancer. That has just started creeping up on me behind my back all the while I was longing for some attention from Mom.
Last week I made a weak attempt of approaching Bob to talk because someone mentioned it should help. I opened up a small very small part of me (which is very hard for me to do. It feels like slicing yourself open from bottom to top) to try to get to him in hope we could go more in depth in a personal meeting.
My brother is obviously in distress. He is refusing to see anyone, let alone talk or write. He said he needs some time to himself. My oldest brother (lets call him Chris) requested him to promise not to do anything ill-considered. Bobs response was: "I can't promise"
I can't handle any more pressure. If you are a bus driver, don't brake if you see me, thanks. I had enough of this shit