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I think Ive got it now...

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I believe I have finally figured out why I enjoy being an AB. the DL aspect comes with it for me so from here to the end of this soul barring thing I've got going on here, the two will be synonymous.

I think it started as a child. When I was younger, my brother got most of my parents attention, albeit very negative from my father. As I tried to get my parents attention, I would either be scorned for interrupting something or I would receive a small amount before their attention was diverted to something else. This lead to me becoming very independent of my family at an early age. Inside, however, I just wanted someone to take care of me.
As I approached my teen years, my younger sister was born. This didn't help the situation any. She was a newborn and therefore required almost all of my parents attention, while the remainder of it was spent on my older brother. After 6th grade, my brother and I were sent from home schooling to public school. I was bullied through Jr High, but I never told my parents because I felt like a burden at that point. I had very few friends and kept to myself most of the time. When I was 16, I discovered that I prefer men. This didn't help the bullying. I kept my grades up and graduated with honors in industrial technology. The next few years I spent mostly drunk and working. About halfway into my 24th year, I discovered fetlife and threw myself into a masochist role. I found a group of people that didn't judge me, didn't want anything in return from me, and that helped me find out some very interesting things abut my personality. It was with them I met the people that are now my sister and daddy.
We'll call her Kim and him Jim.
They were a Daddy/daughter pair that were always around and seemed so happy. Ive become very close with these two people over the past few years. They helped me discover my love for being a kid again. They sported me when I quit drinking. But above all, they gave me the attention that they somehow knew I longed for.
To this day, I am part of their family.

So, I guess the bottom line here is that being an AB is a coping mechanism for me. When I'm sad or angry or just lonely, I feel that pang of angst from being a lonely child. And when daddy gives me a bottle or sister sits in the floor and colors with me while watching Disney movies, I don't feel so alone. I don't feel like such a freak anymore. Somehow, I feel normal.
My only wish is that everyone - AB, DL, ABDL, or anyone outside this community - has that necessary suport group, whatever they may be called and whatever common ground they may share, to feel a part of in times of need.
If you read this, just know you're not alone out there. you'll find happiness too someday.

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