by, 17-Oct-2015 at 17:26 (577 Views)
I am such an idiot, it's been in front of me this entire time. I just always failed to believe it.
I have my best friend coming in just a few days, I'll see them probably wednesday, I told them how excited I was to see them, their response "meh, I'm really not that excited."
I feel so damn pathetic for caring so much, when it's perfectly clear that no one cares as much about me. It all make so much sense now, the short one word responses I always get, not able to keep a conversation going beyond a simple hello.
The last friend I invited out to go do something, their response was "I would rather work tonight"
I barely even see my roommate anymore, for the past week or so every time I walk through the door, he walks out, all I get from him is "I have plans"
My friend that is visiting made me a promise and I can't stop thinking that it's going to be broken and I'm trying to prepare myself mentally to handle it.
Fuck it all, I thought I was getting better, but now I feel like I am farther back then when I started. Suicide has entered my mind again and again. I have learned that people have no problem living their life without me.