I wish that I was on the brightside
by, 21-Sep-2015 at 05:04 (344 Views)
Cause it feels like I'm always stuck in a state of gloom and doom despite my happiness that is desperate to be let out and is suffocating in depression, social fears, and suicidal tendency. I know the thoughts in my head are just a result of my conditions but I can't keep them all out at once. The resulting affect is people think I am bi-polar or have ADHD when it just is not the case... I want to be free of depression and BPD... as well as social anxiety. I want to escape it and yet everything that is keeping me here is only temporary...look at my mind this way; It's a hallway.. the hallway is clean, neat, organized and the door at the end is open. I can see the outside, it's beautiful and amazing but when I take a step I can't go forward. The hallway seems farther and the door is slammed shut... then I look up and see myself in a mirror. It's distorted... black hair and eyes just looking at me with an expression of sadness and self doubt. The face is however pityless and does not care about me. It isn't me it's depression, fear, anxiety, self hatred, and extreme confidence issues. This all fades away when I'm with my fiance and away from all my cares and worries. The things that haunt my dreams aren't even scary. In fact nightmares are just regular dreams.. That should scare me but it doesn't. What does scare me? Succeeding, moving forward, reaching my dreams, and actually becoming who I'm meant to be. This should not be so... and yet it is.