the decline- oh how the mighty have fallen
by, 09-Aug-2015 at 08:55 (258 Views)
so thankfully everything went well last week, and , I am 95% completely unpacked and moved into my new place.
this is a new experience for me as i have always left things packed for the simple idea that i don't want to be ... packing again just to move.
unfortunately that is a blog for another time.
I am not reaching out , i am simply continuing the process of typing out my struggles(?)
when i posted last week i was ultimately positive about the whole adventure , and while i can say with certainty that it was a positive thing, it was absolutely the most destructive thing i have ever experienced.
i feel as if i am caught between two emotional states at all times
so close to breaking and so , well i am having trouble caring about any thing.
its as if i am going through the motions.
I have never in my life felt so depressed, this feeling , it scares me .
i finally broke down and cried about the whole thing the day i left the keys to the old place, i couldn't contain the feeling, it just came out , all at once.
I keep thinking about all i have lost. and i keep trying to tell my self that i would be happier if we weren't doing this.
the lies - the ones we tell ourselves , they hurt the most.
and , I am so so devastated by this all , and tired . I need to find the positive , i need to find it soon. this pain feels like it is too much to bear.