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the decline- oh how the mighty have fallen

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so thankfully everything went well last week, and , I am 95% completely unpacked and moved into my new place.
this is a new experience for me as i have always left things packed for the simple idea that i don't want to be ... packing again just to move.

unfortunately that is a blog for another time.
I am not reaching out , i am simply continuing the process of typing out my struggles(?)
when i posted last week i was ultimately positive about the whole adventure , and while i can say with certainty that it was a positive thing, it was absolutely the most destructive thing i have ever experienced.

i feel as if i am caught between two emotional states at all times
so close to breaking and so , well i am having trouble caring about any thing.
its as if i am going through the motions.
I have never in my life felt so depressed, this feeling , it scares me .

i finally broke down and cried about the whole thing the day i left the keys to the old place, i couldn't contain the feeling, it just came out , all at once.
I keep thinking about all i have lost. and i keep trying to tell my self that i would be happier if we weren't doing this.
the lies - the ones we tell ourselves , they hurt the most.

and , I am so so devastated by this all , and tired . I need to find the positive , i need to find it soon. this pain feels like it is too much to bear.


  1. Trevor's Avatar
    It's only natural for you to feel this way, even though I think in your head you know that it is the best bad decision you can both make at this time. Your friends and relations seem to have been pretty supportive of this course of action. They won't be surprised that you need some support getting used to the new normal. In time, I hope this will be easily recognized as a wrenching but positive step. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.